The Coleman Family

Christmas Present

2011-12-27T08:12:00.002-05:00

This year we celebrated Christmas with our best friends, The Tyldesleys. They have three kids under the age of 7 and when we walked through the door, it was ON!

We played football video games, we shot Nerf guns over the catwalk and we played with princess dress up clothes.

We ate homemade sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles BEFORE dinner!

The house was loud and messy and, in all ways, it was perfect!

Our Christmas at home was low key and sweet.

Our Christmas with our friends was loud, messy and fun.

And when we got home, Scott and I enjoyed the silence of our home, with our kid nose deep in her new Kindle reading.

It is funny, to me, how two families, who really have a differnet kind of life than the other, can come together and appreciate what each other has and enjoy each other so much!

This year's Christmas was perfect!

In every way!

Christmas Future

2011-12-18T11:37:00.001-05:00

When I was pregnant with Courtney I made the rule that my family would not travel at Christmas. I did not want her worrying that Santa would not be able to find her. I also did not want to pack everything in a car or on a plane and travel with a small child. So, I told family and friends that while we would not travel, our home is open to any and everyone who wants to come to us. Scott and I will do the cooking and the cleaning; all they have to do is come.

After her very first Christmas, where she received WAY too many gifts, Scott and I decided that we would only get her three things. After all, Jesus only received 3 gifts, and she certainly isn’t any better than Jesus.

And we have stuck to that rule every year since.

She is 15 now, and Christmas lasts about 15 minutes in our house. Maybe 20. When you only get a limited amount of gifts, it is hard to stretch the morning out and make Christmas last.

This now has me thinking about traveling at Christmas.

I think, maybe, that next year we will rent a cabin in the mountains and do our Christmas there. Or maybe rent a condo in Florida and have Christmas on the beach. Maybe it is time for this family to experience Christmas outside of this house. Of course, this is in my head and I have not run this by Scott, so who knows…

Christmas Future….

I wonder what it will hold for us

Christmas Past

2011-12-11T18:18:00.002-05:00

While we were decorating for Christmas today, Scott asked Courtney and I what our favorite Christmas memory was.

Courtney wasn't sure. True to form, her favorite memory is the most recent. Not that she doesn't remember fondly on things that have happened, she just can't wrap her mind around the whole concept of looking back father than an year, so she goes with what she knows.

Scott's favorite memory was from Christmas 1989. He had just finished boot camp and was going home for the first time since he joined the military. Home was Valdosta, GA. For those of you who do not know where that is, it is just over the Florida border. He had two wishes that year; To be home for Christmas. And snow. Now, the chances of getting snow in Valdosta is SLIM. But that year he got snow. And not just the snow that came out of the sky and melted when it hit the ground, but the snow that stuck and could have snowballs made out of it.

I have many favorite memories. Like how every Christmas morning we got up, opened presents and then when to my Aunt Deanna's house for brunch. Or the year Courtney was 5 years old and she wanted cow girl boots. Santa brought her red ones, and she wore them all day with her pajamas. Or how we were all set to decorate when we were living in Key West and it was too hot to get in the decorating spirit so we walked down to Duval Street. I was pregnant and wearing a sundress in December.

So clearly, for this family, it is not the gift that makes the holiday or the memory special.

It is snow.

It is brunch.

It is staying in your pajamas all day.

It is family.

What is your favorite memory of Christmas past?

Dreams

2011-12-03T11:40:00.003-05:00

I don't dream.

Let me clarify that...if I do dream it is SELDOM that I remember them.

And I don't dream in color, everything is in black and white.

Monday night I dreamt A LOT. They were short dreams and I would wake up after each one, look at the clock to see how much time I had before I had to get up, fall back to sleep and go right back into another dream.

Crazy.

The last dream I had really bothered me. I dreamt that my best friend, Diana Kelly-Miller, had a baby boy (which she does, he is just in 1st grade, not a baby). I was at his Christening, which was at my home church (which is crazy, because she is Catholic and we aren't). I was carrying him and dropped him down the side of the wall at the back of the church and bloodied his face pretty good. He was crying when I picked him up and then I woke up.

It was 4:00am and I refused to go back to sleep after that. I really, really bothered me.

I haven't slept well since then because I am afraid that I am going to have that dream again.

SO this morning, I did some research on dreams through the wonderful world of GOOGLE. This is what came back on my search:

To dream of a crying baby symbolizes a part of yourself that is deprived of attention and needs to be nurtured. Alternatively, it represents your unfulfilled goals and a sense of lacking in your life. If you dream that a baby is neglected, then it suggests that you are not paying enough attention to yourself. You are not utilizing your full potential. Alternatively, this dream could represent your fears about your own children and your ability to protect and to provide for them.

Oh....that clears it up!

Anybody who knows me, knows that I do not need to be nurtured, I can take care of myself. So we can rule out that.

Unfulfilled goals and lacking in my life...um....what? I have a husband, kid, house and job. That is more than a lot of people. So no...not that.

This dream just makes no sense to me. I wouldn't hurt a kid on the face of this earth and I would never drop them down a wall.

I just don't know why I cannot let this go.

All I know is I am tired and want to sleep, I am just afraid of what will happen when I do.

I liked it better when I didn't dream, or at least, didn't remember them!

Nana

2011-10-26T18:14:00.003-04:00

Her birthday was Monday, October 16th. She turned 93.

93! That's a long time to walk the face of this earth!

She grew up singing on the radio with her two sisters. Her daddy was a preacher and I remember every get together we had growing up, someone would play the piano (I think Aunt Jeanette)and old hymns would be sung. That is the reason I prefer the old hymns to today's more popular music.

She had 2 kids - both girls, 7 grand kids - 6 boys and 1 girl and 9 great-grand kids - 5 boys and 4 girls.

She was a bank teller when I was growing up. My mom took me to her bank on Halloween on year and everyone at the bank had dressed up. There was a co-worker dressed up as a big Indian Chief and I remember he scared me. She thought that was funny.

She wanted to teach my brother how to roller skate. There they were, both on skates, skating down Whiting Avenue. Their skates got tangled up and they both fell. She damaged her elbow pretty bad.

When she would sit down next to me at church, she would pat my leg in a certain rhythm. She told me they were love pats!

She always had gum in her purse.

When I was older and living on my own, there was a time that I would go to dinner with her once a week. It used to drive her crazy that I would park in front of the fire hydrant outside her apartment. She just knew I was going to get a ticket.

She outlived two husbands; My granddaddy - they were nuts about each other and her and a nice man named Desmond.

She died today.

My parents and my aunt were there with her.

The last several years have been hard with Dementia stealing her mind.

And when she got to Heaven this afternoon, I know she was greeted by Granddaddy, her sisters and my Uncle Wayne.

And I am sure that there is singing and dancing and no pain.

And I hope she tells Granddaddy that I named my daughter after him.

And I hope she looks down on me everyday and that she is proud of the person that I grew up to be. And that she knows that she helped make me that person.

And I hope she knows, without any doubt, that she was a great Nana and that I loved her very much

Enjoy Heaven, Nana! You deserve it!

25 Year Later

2011-08-25T13:53:00.004-04:00

When I was in high school, it was a big social place for me. I was always disappointed at the end of the day because I had to go home - don't get me wrong, my home life was not bad AT ALL - it is just that my friends didn't live in the same house with me.

School was a time to visit, joke around and goof off. I did my school work, and my grades were good, I graduated with a 3.5 GPA (they were good if you don't count my first quarter as a freshman where I failed English and had to work my butt off to get my grade back up and was grounded for the whole rest of the semester - even from talking on the phone. Hello! Have you met me? I am on the phone CONSTANTLY even now).

When it was time to prepare for college, I knew I wanted to be an interpreter for the deaf. I also knew that I wanted to interpret in the court system, which would require extra classes. All of my classes were at night, so I worked as a receptionist during the day, and went to school at night Monday thru Thursday. (I also went out with friends on Friday and Saturday.) (You should probably note that this is also the time I got mono for doing too much all the time, and was really sick and my mom made me "cut back" on the going out on the weekends so much.)

After a couple of years I graduated and instead of taking my legal classes that I needed to take to be able to interpret in the courts, I just continued working my office job. Twenty five years later....I am still working an office job. Right now it is in the telecom industry. (Because, you know, deaf people use the phone so much and interpreting over the phone is in high demand!)

I look back on my high school days and I think of all the plans I had for myself back then and what I was going to do. Then I look at my life right now, and it is SO different.

Do you think anyone ever thinks to themselves in high school, I am going to pay to go to school, not use my degree, get a job that I can't advance in and then retire.

Not so much.

If I could just talk to that 18 year old girl and talk some sense into her...

But I can't.

So I will just work the rest of my life and probably die at my desk.

And my headstone should read...Here lies Melissa...I hope there are telephones in Heaven because that is all she enjoys doing.

And I hope Jesus like coffee. I make a mean pot of coffee!

A Post That Won't Mean Anything To Anyone

2011-08-11T14:47:00.002-04:00

I know I talk a lot on here about Autism.

It is because it consumes our life all the time...and lately it has been consuming us more than we would like.

Courtney,in case you don't know, has Asperger's Syndrome. While she is super smart, she struggles socially. Really struggles. And the older she gets, the more she struggles. And the more she struggles, the less I can help. And it is killing me.

She is 15. This is a hard age for any girl on the face of this planet. I look back on when I was this age and THANK GOD that I no longer am. However, over the last year, Courtney has really started realize (and this is a pretty big step for her) that she is different...and she is not coping well with it. *I should also note that it didn't help that we decided to change her meds during all of this, which started off as an EPIC FAIL, but the doctor got us back on track like 5 days before school started...so it was a ROUGH summer*

But while she has been realizing things, Scott and I have been coming to realizations of out own. We see all of our friends and their kids and we realized this summer that she won't be going to the Homecoming Dance, she won't be driving a car any time soon, she won't be going to football games with a bunch of friends. And to see all of the posts on Facebook really makes brings it home.

She is seeing her friends and family members getting their permits to drive. She asked how old you have to be to get a permit. I told her she had to be 15 and she had to have it for one year and one day before she could take the driving test. She asked me why she can't get a permit. I told her because she wasn't ready and that I wasn't saying no...I was saying not now.

You should have seen the look on her face. It broke my heart.

She didn't argue with me...she just didn't talk about it anymore.

I chose to believe that one day, she will leave home, live on her own, come over for Sunday dinner and to do laundry.

Her doctors tell us we need to start preparing her for that transition now. I tell them that I would like to get through the school year successfully.

They just smile that all knowing smile.

I swear, if I was her, I would not leave the house sometimes. But she gets up every day and tries again.

And because she does, so do we.

Making Memories

2011-08-10T11:58:00.002-04:00

There is a song out on the radio right now called Just Fishin by Trace Adkins. It talks about a dad out with his 6 year old daughter fishing...and while SHE thinks they are just fishing, he is banking this day in his memory.

It reminds me a lot of Scott and Courtney. I remember when we lived in Key West, he would take her to fly kites. She was in a stroller and he was out with his kid flying kites. When we moved to Georgia, he would, and still does, take her fishing. She had a pink Scooby Doo fishing pole and they would fish and chat about life.

It makes me realize that when she was 3 or 4, and we were trying to get her diaganosed, trying to figure out what was wrong, I thought she was so hard. I look at her now, at her 15 year old attitude, and wish for my 4 year old again. For the child who was happy to go fishing or for ice cream. To read Go Dog, Go! and Are You My Mother?

School started Monday. I remmber her first day of school like it was yesterday. She didn't weigh 25lbs and the school had to get her a special desk and chair. She is a sophmore now. Her freshman year was SO hard on her. People were so mean to her. When Scott pulled into the parking lot on the first day, she looked out the window and said "Dad...I am really nervous."

But she has come home the last couple of days with a smile on her face. Scott asked me how long I thought this honeymoon period would last. He is giving it two weeks. I am praying for the entire school year.

I hope she looks back fondly on the time that Scott spent with her when she was little...

I know he does!

I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

A Vacation Recap.

2011-07-24T15:48:00.003-04:00

This past week was spent in Florida vacationing on the beach.

Usually, we split the cost of renting a condo with Scott's parents. This year, we rented our own. Scott's younger brother, Brandon, stayed with us and Scott's parents, along with his Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave, rented the condo directly below us.

We arrived on Saturday afternoon. Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave landed from Chicago around the same exact time. Scott has another aunt, Faye, that lives in the area that we were staying, along with her children and their families.

Saturday night we all went to dinner at The Thirsty Marlin where the conch fritters were just about as good as Key West and the lobster quesadilla was too yummy! Scott's cousin, Tyler, ordered the all you can eat crab, and I think that Scott "helped" with the all you can eat part!

Sunday Scott's cousin. Trish, and her husband, Alex, had all of us over for a big BBQ and the food was delicious. Alex smoked chicken wings and a beef butt that melted in your mouth. Sunday night all of the boys fished off of the pier until late into the night.

Monday was finally spent on the beach! The sun was out and the water was warm!! We swam with two schools of stingrays. Each school had about eight stingrays and they swam all around us!!! All of us spent the entire day either by the pool or in the ocean. Monday night, Scott and I went out by ourselves to a little pub we like to go to when we are in town. We got home in enough time to watch the sun set and took a walk on the beach.

Tuesday, while eating breakfast on the balcony, we watched two dolphins swim pretty close to shore. We spent the entire day on the beach and decided that if we win the lottery, we are moving down on the beach. Tuesday night we went to dinner with Scott's grandpa whose wife just passed away. Also at the dinner was Grandma's two sisters and their families. It has been two years since I was able to visit with this side of the family, as I was not able to attend Grandma's memorial service. It amazes me how two years doesn't seem like a long time until you see how much people have aged during that time. I hope that another two years does not pass without visiting with these aunts and uncles again. Scott's grandpa came back to our condo for coffee and really seemed to enjoy himself.

Wednesday, Scott and I took two chairs and planted them in the surf. That is where our butts stayed for the entire day. It was VERY hot and being in the water with the ocean breeze made things so much better. That night we went to dinner with Scott's dad's cousin, Susan and her husband John. Afterwards, they came back to the condo to swim and Scott and Brandon took Grandpa fishing. I stayed behind and texted them the score of the Tampa Bay Rays game. While they didn't catch anything, they had a good time just being together.

Thursday, I woke up looking like Mush Mouth from the Fat Albert cartoon, as my lips were swollen and burned. I decided to take a break from the sun. Everyone came to our condo for lunch then we went to John's Pass to do some touristy shopping. We grabbed some ice cream as well. That night we all went to dinner to Grandpa's favorite restaurant, Leverocks. Grandpa had us back to his house for KEY LIME PIE!He makes the best pie, and even though I protested, I had to share it with everyone. We spent the evening looking through old family photos. There was a story that went along with each photo. A lot of laughter and a few tears were shed. Memories, while they are good to have, can be painful for a man who lost the only woman he ever kissed and spent the last 67 years married to. Hopefully, time will make it easier for him, but I just don't see how a heart as broken as his can ever be whole again. I try to force myself to remember that we will all be reunited with our loved one at Heaven's Gate...but that seems too far away.

Friday, we spent our last day on the beach. Brandon flew his kites. Courtney looked for sand dollars, but couldn't find any. That night for dinner we went to GiGi's Pizzeria. This is a place that Scott's parents started going to in 1969, and I am pretty sure the decor hasn't changed since then. The pizza was fabulous and it was a great way to spend our last night as a family!

Saturday we said our goodbyes and got on the road. We picked the dogs up from the kennel, and Oliver spent the entire ride home rotating between all of our laps.

As vacations go, this will go down as one of my favorites. The nightly stories of Scott growing up in Chicago has made us start making plans for our vacation next year. I think, after 18 years of marriage, it is time to go see where he grew up. It is time to be introduced to Chicago pizza, a cubs game and a hot dog from a street vendor. Time to see the Sears Tower, Navy Pier and the Brookfield Zoo.

It is time to revisit those memories and to start making new ones!

Parent Handbook, Page 3

2011-07-15T08:25:00.004-04:00

When I was growing up, my parents did not MAKE Jeff and I get a job. As long as our grades were good, they really did give us the money we needed for everything...going out with friends...clothes...everything.

However, that did not mean that my dad would not give us a guilt trip every time we asked for money.

When we asked for a few bucks, he would tell us to bring him his wallet. He would give us cash, and as we were thanking him, he would say "I will just go out to where the money tree grows and get some more." Every time!

Last week in our weekly sales meeting, the sales people were talking to the president of the company about offering an incentive for customers to order from us. A CASH incentive. Paul, the president, just sat there listening to every one's ideas. When there was a lull in conversation, a sales person used that opportunity to ask Paul what he thought. He said...

"I will just go out to where the money tree grows and get this for all of you."

I was taking a drink of water at that point, and it was all I could do NOT to spit it across the table.

I told him he just channeled my dad. He informed me that ALL dads use that phrase. That it is in the Parent Handbook.

Kinda made me miss being young...

Really made me miss my dad!

Deliver The Letter The Sooner The Better

2011-07-14T08:27:00.002-04:00

When I was young, my mother enrolled my brother and I in some music class called Yamaha. The teacher was named Miss Barbara, I think. It was at her house and she lived in Orange. Later, when we were older, Jeff took guitar lessons from her. Her window in the room where she gave the lessons was the type that you couldn't see out of it, but you could see in it, so when we were waiting outside for Jeff to finish his lesson, we could see them and what they were doing. I thought that was a pretty cool window.

One night after our lessons, we stopped for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. On the radio was the song...that I don't know what the exact title is, but it goes...Stop! Wait a minute, Mr Postman. Apprently, I was singing along and was being too loud because my mom had to tell me to be quiet.

Whenever I hear that song, I go right back to that restaurant.

Whenever I am in town and we drive by where that restaurant was, I go right back to that day, singing the song, and mom hushing me.

And both of those things make me smile!

Eat Fresh

2011-07-06T13:07:00.003-04:00

Dear Family That Was Ahead of Me at Subway Last Night:

I know you have been here before, because all of you knew what kind of sandwich you wanted. You knew what kind of bread you wanted and if you wanted it toasted or not.

However, you did leave me a little baffled over a couple of things:

1. Chips. The chips are placed at the beginning of the line that you got into to place your order. They are also placed all along the glass where you are having your sandwich built. They are there for you to grab. So WHY didn't you grab them when you were in line? WHY did you have to walk back over my feet to get your chips?

2. Condiments and Fixins. You know they are going to ask you what you want on your sandwich. So WHY did you act surprised when they did? And then you, all three of you, stood there and stared at the fixins like you have never seen lettuce and tomato before. REALLY? You should know how you like your sandwich and should be able to tell the employee what you want on it. You also should be able to do this quickly. It is a fast food restaurant. Hurry up!

3. Paying. If you are going to go into any establishment, whether it be a restaurant or any other retail chain that takes credit cards, you should always know just how much you have on your pre-paid credit card. There is no excuse for you to get to the end of the line and hand her your card, tell her you don't know how much is on there and then, when it is declined, act shocked. Also, if you don't know how much is on the card, have a back up plan. But to just walk away from three sandwiches that took 30 minutes to make absolutely baffles me. did you know that the establishment had to THROW YOUR FOOD AWAY? What a waste!

On a side note, you should tell your daughter that super short shorts and a tiny tank top makes her look trampy, not sexy. Just sayin...

Good God, I hope that was your daughter.....*shudders*

Stuck A Feather In His Hat And Called It Macaroni

2011-07-05T12:59:00.003-04:00

I swear on all that is holy, we are the only family that budgets for the 4th of July holiday.

Scott, and his two brothers, Rick and Brandon, are all pyro-maniacs. All. Three. Of. Them.

So, while Brandon was visiting last week, Scott and him made a trip to South Carolina to buy fireworks. Not just any fireworks, fireworks that are loud and colorful and expensive. But while they were shopping, they were told there was going to be a sale in a couple of days, so they put everything back. Scott and Courtney made the same trip this past Thursday and bought the supplies.

I don't know how much money was spent, nor do I want to. This is Scott's thing. I knew it when I married him. It's not going to change. So I just go with it.

Saturday morning we got up and made the 4 hour journey to his parents house. Scott's Grandpa made the 4 hour journey from Florida. Scott's brother, Rick made the 2 hour journey from Jacksonville.

I can count on one hand how many times, in the 18 years I have been married to Scott, I have been around Rick and his family.

Rick is the eldest of all the boys. He was in the Navy like his grandfathers before him. He is the quietest of all the boys, but don't count him out of the mischief that the other two seem to find. He is right there with them!

His eldest son, Philip, is 19 and has the most gentle soul. Super nice. He is also my God Son! His dad and uncles introduced him to the whole firework thing this weekend and they now consider him a true man.

His middle child is 7 months younger than Courtney. Her name is Christina. Both of the girls are named after their dad's sister who died shortly after birth. Christina is half Filipino half American. At 14, she is strikingly pretty and tall. But she is just as smart as she is pretty!

His youngest child is Michelle. This one is 6 years old and commands attention when she walks into a room. She has a passion for Oreos and Vera Bradley purses. She has super curly hair and doesn't like to be hot, which is hard not to be in July in Georgia.

Saturday night was spent talking and getting acquainted with everyone. This is the first time that Ray and Judy had all of their sons and their families together in something like 6 years. There were a total of 6 dogs - A blood hound, husky, lab, dachshund, dachshund/beagle mix and a chihuahua mix. There was a lot of arguments between the 6 of them as to who was the leader. Surprisingly, the chihuauha won most of the battles!

Sunday was spent waiting for the sun to go down so the guys could do their "show". Mid afternoon I took the two older girls to the movies to kill some time. Judy made a ton of food and homemade chocolate pie. FINALLY the sun set and the show started. Luckily, we did not have to take anyone to the hospital and everyone left with 10 fingers and 10 toes.

Monday morning, Judy made a big breakfast and sent all of us home. I am sure the house seemed empty and quiet after we all left. and I know for a fact that plans are being made to meet up and do it again.

Family - it doesn't matter how long it has been since you have seen each other - it matters what you do when you do see each other.

For this family, it is blowing things up, setting things on fire, eating too much, talking too loud and over each other and laughing very hard!!

And then making plans to do it again!

I Want To Be Loved Like That

2011-06-29T08:06:00.002-04:00

Every Tuesday night I work at Weight Watchers.

It is in a shopping center that has a hobby store, a hair studio and a couple of restaurants.

Every Tuesday night, as I am getting my computer turned on and our meeting opened, I see a little old man pull into the same parking space. He gets out and walks around to the passenger side and opens the door for a little old lady. He is always in dress slacks and a pressed shirt. She is always in a dress. The walk together, holding hands, to the all you can eat southern buffet.

Every Tuesday night.

I imagine that they share a meal, as neither one of them are big people, but I don't know that.

I never see them leave, because I am knee deep in my job at that time, but I imagine that they shared a piece of pie and had a cup of coffee.

I love to watch them walk to the restaurant. I love the fact that he still holds her hand. It might be to keep each other from falling,but I choose to believe it is because he loves her and she loves him.

I hope when I am their age that Scott will still take me out and hold my hand.

And I hope we share a piece of pie.

And I hope we look just like that couple on Tuesday nights!

18 Years And Counting

2011-06-28T08:38:00.002-04:00

Scott and I celebrated our 18th Wedding Anniversary on June 19th.

18 Years.

That sounds like such a long time, but if I really think about it, it doesn't seem like that long at all. But things have certainly changed over the years.

Like when we first started dating, we used to love to go eat at The Sizzler (a California restaurant chain). Now we prefer non chain places that no one has ever heard of, but that the owners come to our table and chat for a few minutes.

Friday nights used to be come home from work, change clothes and go out. Stay out super late and sleep half of the day away on Saturday. Now Friday night, we order pizza, watch a movie and fall asleep in the chair.

Home cooked meals used to be hot dogs and mac and cheese. Now it is a variety of meals that invlove way more than two steps. (But we still do an old school throw back of hot dogs every now and then.)

Bed time consisted of being wrapped up in the sheets and each other. His breath on my neck. Now it is a bigger bed, with way more expensive sheets and a dog somewhere in between us.

But there is plenty that hasn't changed.

Like when I am gone all day and pull into the driveway to see him stop and smile at me when I walk in.

How I don't have to even open my eyes or say a word and he knows when to pull me close and we fall right back to sleep together...sometimes only for 20 minutes.

How I can't even IMAGINE what life would be like if I wasn't with him and, truth be told, I can't remember what it was like before him.

18 years ago I thought I married the best man on the face of the earth, but I was wrong.

He just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what the next 18 years brings me!

It Is All About Respect

2011-06-13T09:41:00.004-04:00

Yesterday Scott and I went to the pool. Courtney chose to sleep through pool time. I swear that kid can sleep like no one else!

When we arrived and were walking to our chairs, I heard my name. I looked down to see two women sitting in the pool with their kids. They were talking about their friend who is named Melissa.

Apparently these two women and their families got together with Melissa's family the night before. After Melissa got home, she called her two friends to tell them that her son had a fever.

Now, we have all been there...you get notice that your kid hung out with another kid who is now sick and you watch your kid for the next week making sure they don't get sick too. And if you really stopped to think about it, your kid can get sick just by going to the grocery store. The only difference is you don't have a mom calling you to warn you.

The two women proceeded to sit and talk not so nicely about their "friend" and her parenting. They even went on to say that her son looks like a girl and they feel sorry for him.

Not even 30 minutes later, Melissa shows up to the pool with her son, who does not look like a girl, he looks like a toddler. The two women were sugary nice to her.

I hate that. If you don't like someone or don't want to hang out with someone, respect them enough to tell them or cut your ties with them. Don't sit there and talk about them in a public forum where anyone can hear and then be fake to them.

I think friendship is a lot about respect. Respect the friendship enough to always be honest, to address issues when they arise (and they will arise), to forgive because you will want to be forgiven and then to also forget and concentrate on the positive.

Scott and I don't have a lot of friends by choice. Those we do have we respect enough to be 100% honest with them.

And I think they respect that about us!

I Am Sorry, What Did You Say?

2011-06-12T18:23:00.004-04:00

Being born and raised in California like I was, I have hard time understanding people who talk with an accent.

The first time Scott took me to meet his parents in Georgia, we went to a Cracker Barrel for dinner, and the waitress came to the table, said something and stared at me. I sat there for a minute, looked at Scott with a puzzled expression and he told she asked what I would like to drink. I didn't understand a word she said. She was speaking English, just with an accent.

Scott and his brother, Brandon, like a British TV show called The Young Ones. They think it is hysterical and quote lines from it all the time. I have tried to watch it on more than one occasion, but I can't understand what they say, so the show really loses it's effect on me.

Last night, Scott and I rented The Godfather. Neither one of us had seen the movie before. I must of asked Scott to pause it a million times to tell me what was said, because I could not understand. It was a good movie, but I probably would have enjoyed it more could I have understood and not had to stop and start the movie all the time. Not to mention that it made a three hour movie much longer than three hours.

People here in Georgia never fail to ask me where I am from. They point out that I don't sound like I am from around here. But I would like to point out that at least they understand what I say when I talk to them....

Unlike me, who can only understand you if you were born and raised in California as well.

Birds Of A Feather

2011-06-11T16:00:00.002-04:00

A couple of weeks ago we hung two ferns on the front porch. Within days a pair of House Finches took up residency and laid some eggs.

We did not know they did this and when we were taking the ferns down to be watered, one of the eggs fell out of the nest and broke, leaving only two eggs.

Every time we go in and out of the front door, the parent Finches yell at us. When we are working in the yard, they sit on the neighbors roof and yell at us. I know they are telling us to hurry up and not to even think about bothering their home again.

Spring skipped us and Summer came early and with a vengence this year. It has been too hot for her to sit on her eggs, so she just sits next to them, guarding them.

Thursday Scott was out watering and took a look inside the fern to see that the two birds have hatched. We did quick research to find out that they should be out of the nest in 15 days. That seems really fast to me, but all of the research we have done swears it is true. Can you imagine if you only had to parent for 15 days?

Research also told us that the couple will brood again, and can brood up to 3 times this season. While it has been an intersting experience, I am not too sure I am up for 2 more rounds.

Scott wants to get a camera and mount it to the roof so we can watch them through a live feed. I can't imagine that would be too interesting for too long.

So we are the proud guardians of two baby House Finches. Now if they would just let us have our fern back or at least quit yelling at us when we want to water it.

Simple Things

2011-06-10T09:50:00.003-04:00

There is this little white church that sits in the middle of a field and you can see it from I75. It has a steeple and a cemetery.

We pass it every time we go to visit Scott's parents.

And if for some reason I am not paying attention, Scott points it out for me. And I always threaten to make him stop so I can take a picture of it to have for my own.

I don't know why, but I love that church.

It could be that it is picturesque. It could be that it is very simple, and I like simple things.

When we drive by I picture the people that attend there, or are buried there. I just know that they sing all of the old hymns...Amazing Grace, Shall We Gather At The River, The Old Rugged Cross...I have romanticized it in my head for so many years, that to go there now would, I am sure, ruin it for me.

Simple things....

Like my husband enjoying going fishing last night for an hour.

Like my daughter making a pencil box out of a cereal box that she saw on line.

Like laying in bed and watching the lightning bugs in the backyard.

All of those things, as simple as they are, make me happy.

And I think it is worth WAY more than all of the money in the world.

Taylor Swift Should Write A Song Entitled Why You Gotta Be So Stupid!

2011-06-09T10:07:00.003-04:00

Dear Man Driving the Mini Van on 985:

Remember how in Driver's Ed they taught you that an "On Ramp" is to gain speed so that you enter the Freeway/Interstate at the same rate the cars are traveling at? Do you remember also that the reason for this is so not to become a traffic hazard for you and those around you?

Yeah...you should apply that.

No where in your driver's manual does it say to break the entire length of the on ramp and have 16 cars all backed up behind you and then to get in the fast lane when you do finally merge going like 12 miles an hour.

Seriously, I could walk faster than you were driving.

Please either stay home or only travel on surface streets.

On a side note, any man who drives a car and has one of those stick figure families on the back window with the note that reads "All Because Two People Fell In Love" should have their man card pulled and never given back. Ever.

Just Sayin....

The Landromat

2011-06-04T21:22:00.002-04:00

Our washer broke.

Just as we got home from being out of town for the long weekend visiting Scott's parents.

With a suitcase full of dirty laundry.

So a trip to the laundromat was in order.

First we had to find one. Cause really who knows where one is unless you need it? Turns out there is one right up the road from where we live. SCORE!

Keep in mind, I have not been to one of these places since I had moved out of my parents house. Even when Scott and I got married, we had our own washer and dryer.

It took us a minute to figure out everything, but figure it out we did and set about loading the washers and getting them started. I was shocked to see that a load of laundry in the small washer cost $2.25 per load!!! That seemed really expensive to me.

There was a lady there doing her laundry. She was older than Scott and I - maybe like our parents age.

*Now keep in mind, in my head I think that only young single people use a laundromat. Also keep in mind that sometimes I lack a filter between my head and my mouth*

The lady starts to converse with us. Scott explained that our washer broke and that is why we are here. I just ASSUME that this lady's washer must have broke as well, because why would someone her AGE be her otherwise. And I proceed to say to the lady..."I don't know how poor people afford to do their laundry here. $2.25 a load is really expensive."

She looked at me and blinked and replied with a "why yes, yes it is."

The conversation ended kind of abruptly, but really, what does one talk about with strangers while doing laundry?

As we finish loading everything in the washers, Scott kept giving me a look and I can't for the life of me figure out what it means. When we finally go sit down, he says to me...

Scott: "way to insult the lady over there"

Me: "what?"

Scott: "Look at her, Melissa, she is wearing a house coat, she has 6 washers going and brought all of it in garbage bags. SHE IS POOR!"

Me: *Silence* *Blank Stare* *Crickets Chirping*

Me: "OOOOHHHH!!!!" Do you think I should apologize? I didn't mean it like that. I don't want her to think I think she is poor!"

Scott: "No! Don't say another word!"

Needless to say, the lady didn't talk to us anymore...not even while the clothes were drying.

Getting Back to Basics

2011-06-03T09:18:00.004-04:00

Okay - so most of you know that I am closing my Facebook account.

I think I just need to do that - and there are many reasons why. Some of them are dumb reasons and some of them are super personal. I will lay them all out here for you in hopes that you will understand, but don't necessarily expect you to.

And that is okay.

One reason is I am now working two jobs. It isn't many hours, but it is still hours away from Scott and Courtney. I feel like when I am home, I need to be more checked into them.

Another reason is some people have been using Facebook to not be really nice to me or my family, and it is starting to effect me. So much so that I have put on 6lbs. I know that is not a lot of weight with the amount that I have lost, but it is enough to make me know that I don't want to be fat again. And if people being mean is going to do that to me, I am going to stop that part of it.

Another reason is my marriage. Scott and I have been going through it really hard for a really long time. Somewhere along the way, we lost what made us a great couple - the ability to laugh and have fun no matter what our situation is. The love for each other is still there, but it is buried so deep that it is going to take some work to get it back to the surface. Work that we are both MORE than willing to do.

Another is Courtney. She had the most awful school year to date. 9th grade was too hard for her socially. She was actually told by another child that she was "nothing but a failed abortion". No child on the face of this earth deserves to be told that and no child deserves to have someone think that of them. And yes, they are just words, but words hurt her more than being hit. Gone are the days that Mom could make everything better just by spending time with her. She is realizing that she is different, even though we have been explaining it since she was tiny, and it is killing her. We are working with doctors (still) and praying that her sophomore year goes a little better. Scott and I also came to the realization (although I thought we had before, but we didn't) that Courtney will not have a normal high school excperience. She will not go to the prom, footballs games and dates. And while I thought I had come to terms with it a long time ago, apparently I hadn't. And that wound that I keep covered up and hidden is open and bleeding right now.

So Scott and I had a long talk and we decided that we need to start worrying about The Colemans, and not so much about everyone else. We had an eye opening experience when Scott's grandmother passed that made us realize what is important to us, and nothing is more important than each of us is to each other.

So we are getting back to basics in the Coleman Family. We are on a journey of sorts to discover us again and to find the balance that works for us, where people smile and laugh a whole lot more than they cry or are frustrated.

We are going to learn to tell others "No", which I am sure will make friends and family mad at us, but that is a risk that we are willing to take. We have to take.

I am sure there are going to be some GREAT stories that come from this journey. And if you know me at all, you will know that I will post the good, the bad and the ugly all on this blog. So check back here and leave a comment to tell me you stopped by.

Today I am taking my first step of sorts, and I will admit that I am a little scared to see if we have what it takes, but we have to start somewhere...

and there is no better time than now!

A Mother's Day Post

2011-05-06T14:36:00.002-04:00

Random Things My Mother Taught Me:

1. How to stand on my head
2. To always extend my right hand when shaking someone’s hand and to look them in the eye NOT at their hand
3. You wear white from Memorial Day to Labor Day
4. When having my picture taken, to always stand with one foot forward
5. Butterfly kisses
6. That she was not put on this earth to entertain me
7. That she could rip my arm off and beat me with the bloody end should I do something wrong
8. That church was more important than a sleep over at someone’s house
9. When wearing open toed shoes, to always have my toe nails painted
10. That jewelry can pull together an outfit
11. That I can be friends with someone, or even related to someone, and not agree with them 100% of the time
12. That it truly is better to give than to receive
13. That there is a time I should speak up and a time to not say anything – even if I am right
14. To make my bed every day
15. That it doesn’t matter what a person looks like, it matters is how the person treats me
16. To spend $5.00 on a gift that someone would love rather than spend $50.00 on a gift just because it cost more
17. Going barefoot in the summer time
18. How to harmonize
19. How she didn’t enjoy her History classes when she was in school either, but I still had to pass them with a C or better
20. Don’t let anyone tell me I can’t do something just because I am a girl

Thanks, Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree

2011-05-02T13:59:00.001-04:00

I met her the night she flew to town to go to our wedding.

She was a small, petite thing with very pretty eyes.

She had already had her stroke, so I didn’t know her any different.

Between the wedding and the time of the birth of my daughter, I had only been with her a couple of times. She lived in Florida and us in California and then Key West.

I remember when she came to Key West after the baby was born. It was Palm Sunday and we were having the baby Christened. It was quite an event to have all the kids walking in with their palm branches and Scott and I following with Courtney in her Christening gown. When I laid Courtney in her arms for the first time, she looked and Scott and me and said “Oh, My! Isn’t she beautiful!”

She had me wrapped around her little finger ever since then.

She would sing songs to Courtney and whenever we were at the dinner table, all of her grandsons were to remove their hats.

According to her grandsons, she was the best Grandma on the face of the earth. She would make them homemade waffles and plop a scoop of chocolate ice cream in the middle of it. She kept Cracker Jacks in the pantry. She loved her boys!

Even when we visited this past Thanksgiving, and she had no idea who Courtney was, her face lit up when she saw her.

She passed away this morning. I am sad to think that I will never see those pretty eyes again, or hear her sing Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree.

But I am excited that she is in Heaven!

And I am positive when she got there, she looked around and said “Oh, My! Isn’t it beautiful!”

Really?

2011-04-13T10:09:00.002-04:00

Dear Man in the Blue Truck That I was Driving Behind on the Way to Work Yesterday:

I see that you have a big sticker on the back of your truck window that says "Hang Up and Drive". Imagine my surprise when I pass you because you are going like 12 miles an hour and see that YOU ARE ON THE PHONE. Really? Perhaps you need to take a nickles worth of your own free advice, my friend.

Dear Man Who Was Driving Behind Me on the Way To Work Today:

I see that you almost rear ended me twice today. Imagine my surprise when I started watching you and what you were actually doing seeing that YOU WERE SHAVING. Really? Perhaps you should do that at home and not on the road.

Dear Woman in the Mini Van on I85:

My God Woman! What is wrong with you? What makes you think it is okay to be on a major interstate and eat TOP RAMEN WITH CHOPSTICKS while you are driving. Really? Clearly you had no hands on the steering wheel as you were holding the bowl with one and chopsticks with the other. You take the cake for idiot drivers. If you are so damn hungry eat before you get in the car!

All of you should have your driver's licenses pulled. Clearly you are too stupid to be on the road. If I had enough money, I would ram you with my car just to make a point. But my car is paid off and Scott says I have to drive it until the wheels fall off because he doesn't want another car payment.

If it weren't for that, you'd be suckin!

Summertime Memories

2011-02-28T17:18:00.000-05:00

Growing up, in the summer, we would go stay a couple of weeks with my Grandmother in Porterville, CA. Doing this, we also got to stay with my Uncle Bill and Aunt Clidella.

Uncle Bill is my dad’s older brother.

His house was very cool to be at. Not only were my cousins, Luanne, Suzanne and Shannon there, but they had cats! My parents wouldn’t allow us to have animals and my Uncle always had cats and I loved cats!

My cousins were in FFA and raised sheep. One summer, I got to go with them to have the wool sheared off of the sheep. I thought that was cool.

They lived across the street from a huge orange grove and one time my cousin, Shannon, packed a picnic lunch and we went into the orange grove and sat under the trees and ate it together.

They had a pool in the back yard and every morning my Uncle would clean the pool. He would get the frogs out of the filters and he would have me get in and get the leaves he couldn’t get off of the bottom.

My Uncle owned a liquor store and when I went to store with him, he let me get candy and I didn’t have to pay for it. I was SO impressed with that!

He was a gruff man, like my dad, but always very nice to me.

He passed away yesterday and my mind flooded with all of these memories and more.

Even though I haven’t seen him in years, I will miss him.

I take a certain pleasure in knowing that he is with my Grandma now.

And that I have memories of all those summers!

Only the Strong Will Survive

2011-02-22T10:02:00.002-05:00

When Courtney was 3, her grandma bought her some summer clothes. One outfit was a pair of yellow shorts with little orange popsicles on the cuff and an orange shirt.

For some reason, Courtney LOVED those shorts.

We had only been living in Georgia for about 6 months and were renting a house. I had sent Courtney upstairs to get dressed. From the kitchen I can hear her opening and closing the dresser drawers. Each one is being slammed harder than the previous. She comes downstairs in only her Blue’s Clues underwear and announces, with her hands on her hips, that she CANNOT FIND HER POPSICLE SHORTS.

I can see her in my mind as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

It was hysterical.

I explained to her that she had worn them the day before and that they were in the wash. She decided to wait for them to get done being washed and dried and REFUSED to wear anything else until they were ready.

That was one of my first lessons in how strong willed the child was going to be.

She was in Kindergarten and she wasn’t any bigger than when she was three. She didn’t agree with what the teacher wanted her to do – coloring is clearly for babies. So she packed up her book bag set on her desk and told the teacher to call her mom to come get her.

Oh, they called me alright.

And I had to get on the phone with her and tell her that I wasn’t coming to get her and that she had to do what the teacher told her to do whether she liked to or not. She actually told me on the phone that she would stay today, but we would discuss the rest of the week when I got home for work.

She is in high school now, so clearly I won that battle.

She was in 2nd grade and was being mainstreamed part of the day with the “typical” kids. She decided she no longer needed to be in the special education class. To prove this, she decided to not spell her spelling test words correctly. She left out all of the vowels. In her mind, these words were below her and she didn’t need to take this test. When the teacher told her she failed and had to write each word 10 times, she begged the teacher to let her take the test again. The teacher agreed, and low and behold the child passed with flying colors.

She is 15 now.

And more strong willed than when she was 3.

She is the only one in the house that has a room upstairs. We have always put her stuff on the bannister. That way, she can just grab it when she is going up.

Lately, I have noticed that she isn’t taking her things up with her. So, I started putting her stuff on the actual stairs.

I kid you not – the child jumped over her things TWICE and never carried them up to her room.

When I pointed this out to her, she just looked at me and told me that she would eventually take the stuff up, just not right now.

*Take a deep breath, Melissa. Pick your battles, Melissa*

I thought it would get easier. I thought I would be able to reason with her as she got older.

Hell, I can’t even bribe her to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do.

In a way I am glad that she is strong willed. I am pretty sure that it is going to work in her favor one day.

But right now, I am pretty sure I am going to kill her.

Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted To Love

2011-02-14T15:24:00.002-05:00

Scott and I are very dear friends with a couple who can’t have children.

Several years ago they came to us and told us that they were going to go through the process to get approved to adopt a child. They had already talked to the “powers that be” and were told that while it could take forever to get a baby, they could get an older child quicker. I think they agreed that they would take a child up to 5, but I could have that fact wrong.

They asked us to write a letter of recommendation for them.

So I sat down and wrote a letter straight from my heart. It talked about how kind they both are and why I thought they would be excellent parents.

They went through the process and got approved. The day they were approved they were told it could take MONTHS for a child to be placed in their home.

It wasn’t a week later that they got a call that there was a 4 week old little boy who needed a home. His parents are addicts and he was born addicted. If they thought they might be interested, he could be in their home in a couple days.

Interested?

OF COURSE THEY WERE INTERESTED.

So I went over and picked her up and we went to Babies R Us and grabbed a couple carts. I started telling her how many of what to get just to get them started. Other friends started arranging a baby shower.

Then he arrived.

4 weeks old and his birth mother had shot up within hours of delivering him.

The saddest thing was to see him try to get un-addicted to what his birth mother forced him to be addicted to.

But this child came into a home full of love and friends and family that would move mountains for him.

Today he is a normal kindergartener with a smile who will melt you hair.

When he was a couple years old, they received call that he had a brother. This baby was 4 months old and were they interested in him?

Interested?

OF COURSE THEY WERE INTERESTED.

So along came baby #2.

Also addicted.

Just as cute!

So began the journey of getting this little one clean and sober.

Sober he got and today he is a normal three year old who is hard headed and ALL BOY. This one can do no wrong in my eyes and I enjoy watching him when he doesn’t know that I am.

Over two years ago they received a call that the birth mother is in jail and she is pregnant. Were they interested in this unborn baby?

Interested?

OF COURSE THEY WERE INTERESTED.

So two years ago this month, they brought home the sweetest little girl. Big blue eyes and the same dimples as both of her brothers.

Born addicted, but not as bad as the boys. Apparently you CAN get things in jail.

This past Saturday she turned two. She can keep up with her older brothers like nobody’s business.

You want to know what is funny? ALL three of these kids look like our friends. To look at them, you would not know they were adopted.

It’s like God, when he was making these babies, took a little bit of our friends and dropped them into these children.

And then he dropped these children into a home full of love.

And now that home is really noisy.

And toys are everywhere.

And our get togethers are not what they used to be.

And NONE of us would have it any other way!

15 Years and I Seems Like Yesterday

2011-02-10T10:00:00.001-05:00

I woke Scott up at 4:00am and told him my water broke.

He just looked at me.

I told him to hand me the phone so I could call the doctor.

Labor had just started and she told me to get up and go walk to get it going and she would call periodically to check on me.

So walk I did.

Finally, at 11:00am, the doctor told me to meet her at the hospital. I made Scott shave my legs because I didn’t want to deliver a baby with hairy legs.

Scott not only obliged, he had already flipped the mattress, changed the sheets and prepared the house for my mom’s arrival from California.

I was pre-registered at the hospital. When I arrive, I told the attendant the labor and delivery was expecting me. He had the nerve to ask me if I was in labor. I stood there and told him that my water broke over 7 hours ago and my contractions were 5 minutes apart, so I am pretty sure that YEAH I AM IN LABOR.

They get me to my room and hook me up to everything and told me we should be done by 3:00pm.

3:00pm came and went.

The epidural wore off and they couldn’t give me another one.

4:00pm

5:00pm

6:00pm

Scott called our neighbors and they brought him some dinner.

7:00pm

8:00pm

I finally told Scott that I didn’t want to do this anymore and let’s just go home.

Apparently, that was not an option.

9:03pm she finally arrived.

They laid all 8lbs 1oz 19.5” of her on my stomach.

She wasn’t crying and the room was nice and dark.

I put my hands on her and whispered to her how I had been waiting all day to meet her.

She craned her head back to look at me, with both eyes open.

And my heart melted into a big pile of mush.

15 years later my heart still melts.

She is my life and I cannot imagine what things would be like without her.

I am SO glad she is mine!!!!

Sorry About Your Penis!

2011-01-25T10:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Man In The Red Convertible:

First of all I want to say that I am sorry about your penis. Any man your age who has a car like this clearly is having issues. But there is more than just your penis. Let’s go over a few shall we?

Let’s start with your hair. Why don’t you embrace going bald? That comb over thing you are doing doesn’t work and makes you look even more stupid than you already do. Besides, that one piece flying around while you insist on driving with your top down in 30 degree weather is gross.

Now let’s talk about your car. Does it really make you feel that much better? I am sorry that you left your wife, a good woman who loved you, for your 21 year old secretary. I am even sorrier that you are shocked that the 21 year old bimbo left you because you were, wait for it, too old. But this car can’t make you younger or manlier. It is making you pathetic.

Keeping with the car, IF you are going to insist on driving this thing around, which clearly you are, get the dents taken out of it. Obviously you are refusing to wear your glasses, that you desperately need, and you have “bumped” into a few things. WHOOPSIE! That car would look much better if you took it to your local crash and dent place and get it fixed.

Let’s talk about your driving now, shall we? If you are going to get a 5 speed, KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A 5 SPEED. You wanting women to check you out while you are stopped at a light and then speed away loses its effect when you stall out at the light because you can’t get it in gear. We are looking at you alright, but we are laughing at you.

I am sorry you are old, but it is a fact of life. Happens to the best of them. A car isn’t going to make you younger.

Just get a Rascal and paint flames on the side.

Love,
Melissa

Things I Learned About Myself and My Family Being Snowed In

2011-01-20T15:10:00.003-05:00

Here are some things I learned about myself and my family being snowed in (in no particular order):

1. Snow is pretty to look at and not that fun to be in

2. Courtney has no balance on a sledding device and even though you can tell her what to do, she will end up just a few feet away in the neighbors yard every. single. time.

3. Scott talks really loud when he is on the phone with his customers.

4. Watching the neighbor try to get his Corvette out of the driveway at 6:00 in the morning is quite entertaining.

5. Oliver likes the snow, Lucy does not.

6. You do more dishes when you are snowed in for two days then you do in an entire week of sunny weather.

7. Do not plan on going to the store for not only milk, bread and eggs, but apparently beer is in high demand when it snows. I can only assume that is because people need to be drunk to go outside in that temperature.

8. Dogs really do make yellow snow, and apparently some of our neighbors too!

9. There is nothing, I mean NOTHING good on TV from 9:00 am to 8:00pm during the week. I swear, how many shows can Maury have on Whose My Baby Daddy?

10. There is a definite difference between a snow shovel and a regular shovel. *Note to self* buy a snow shovel.

11. Snow can make the ugliest house look pretty. I bet the beer can make ugly things look pretty too!

12. Snowballs hurt and are not all fun like on TV.

13. Fake Ugh Boots do not stand up in the snow. Courtney proved that.

14. Having your husband take you to and from work because you are afraid to drive is not fun because he listens to a stupid ass morning show and you feel like you can't ask him not to listen to it since he is taking you to work and everything but the show is not funny and just makes the ride to work even more unenjoyable.

15. Snow sucks!

A Birthday Post

2011-01-19T14:14:00.000-05:00

As most of you who know me, know that I shared my birthday with my Uncle Wayne. He was exactly 30 years older than me, and he would have been 72 today.

He was a big man with a booming voice that scared me when I was a little girl.

He was a lawyer and, while I never saw him in court, I bet he scared the crap out of
people on the stand.

He bought Del Taco when I was in, like, 3rd grade. I thought that made him famous!!!
As I got older, he got less intimidating, and I found myself really liking him.

When I got married, Scott immediately took to him. They had the same kind of sense of humor.

He called me after I got married and told me how pretty I looked in my mom’s wedding
dress. That is my favorite memory of him.

Birthdays are, to me, important days. These are the days that God picked especially for you to be born.

God picked for me to share my birthday with my Uncle Wayne.

I think that is pretty cool.

I know there are some people who are scared to die, but not me! I know that when I die, he will be there waiting for me. He will greet me with a smile and simply say “Hello, Melissa.” I will say something stupid and he will loudly laugh, put his arm around me and usher me in.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Wayne! I hope in Heaven you are celebrating being pain free.

And I hope you know you are missed!

My Weight Watcher's Story

2011-01-07T11:09:00.002-05:00

I have been asked to speak at a Weight Watcher's meeting tomorrow. Here is what I plan on saying. I hope it is interesting:

Hi! My name is Melissa Coleman and I have been a Weight Watcher’s member since July 1st 2010.

I became a Life Time member this past Wednesday.

Growing up I was the type of person who could eat anything I wanted. If I needed to lose any weight, I would just skip lunch and I would be fine.

Then I got married to a man who liked to have a little snack each night before bed. Who was I to tell him no, and I liked to snack, so I joined him and put on enough weight to go up a size in clothing the first year we were married.

Then I got pregnant and while I didn’t put on a ton of weight, my metabolism just stopped and I had trouble KEEPING the weight off when she was born.

A couple of years later I lost a bunch of weight and a bunch of money doing Herbalife. 2 Shakes a day and one meal. As soon as I started eating again, the weight came right back on.

Finally, 11 years later my husband told me something I already knew – he said no one can make you lose the weight but you. If you are unhappy, do something about it.

So I joined Weight Watchers. But I was determined that if I was going to do this, I was going to have fun doing it. Luckily for me, I have a leader who has a sense of humor and fellow members who like to laugh. I like my meeting for that reason. I have made friends that have helped me and I have helped be successful.

I believe in this program. If you follow it, it will work. If you put a little into it, you will lose a little weight. If you put a lot into it, you will lose a lot of weight.

If I can do this, anyone can do it.

I stand up here in front of you today, wearing a size 8 jean. 6 months ago I was a size 16. I am off of my high blood pressure medicine. I have walked in 4 5K’s and am currently training to walk a half marathon in March.

I think the thing to do is believe in yourself and surround yourself with others who believe in you and respect what you are doing.

I believe in this program and I believe in you!

Happy Better New Year!

2010-12-29T16:25:00.000-05:00

We are approaching the time of year where we feel compelled to make resolutions. Some of us will make them and stick to them. Most of us will make them and fail miserably.

That got me thinking….

What if we just make a resolution but just make is simple?

This year I resolve to be better.

To be a better wife

To be a better mom

To be a better friend

To be better about going to church

To be a better employee

To be better in my food choices

To be better about shaving my legs

I don’t care what you need to be better at…just make it to be better

Seems to me this is a resolution that we all can make and stick to. Because everyone can be better.

Here’s to a better year!

Happy New Year!

A Simple Post to Say Thank You

2010-12-17T10:28:00.000-05:00

It takes a special person to serve in the military.

You work 24 hours a day.

Sleep is considered a luxury.

Family is considered an annoyance.

The food is terrible.

So, why would someone VOLUNTEER to serve?

For some, it is a way out of a bad home life. For others, it is a way to learn a trade or go to school. For some, it is their last shot at getting their act together.

Whatever the reasons are, the person sacrifices to be in the military.

Here we are knee deep in making holiday plans; planning menus, making travel arrangements and buying presents. But, unfortunately, these men and women won’t get to participate. They are too far away to stop by for gifts and dinner. Their kids won’t jump on their bed Christmas morning asking to get up to see if Santa came. The best that some of these people will receive t is a MRE (meals ready to eat) and bullets to load into their gun to fight the never ending war. Some will have to stand duty on the quarterdeck of their ship in the middle of an ocean so far from land that they can’t remember what it is like to walk on solid ground. Some won’t get to make phone calls home to hear about the festivities and to say I love You.

So, while this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, it really isn’t for our men and women in the military.

Scott and I have taught Courtney that whenever she sees someone in uniform, she is to stop and thank them for serving our country. It doesn’t seem like such a wonderful thing to do, but you should see how these men and women respond to her. They stop and look her in the eye and smile at her like she is the only person that has ever thanked them. You can tell how much they appreciate it.

Do me a favor, and pray for our military men and women this Christmas Season.

And if you see one in uniform, just say a simple thank you!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2010-12-10T09:42:00.000-05:00

Courtney is blessed to have great-grandparents on both sides of her family.

When she was born, and she met Scott’s grandparents for the first time, Grandpa would sing to her. They were songs I didn’t know and he wouldn’t sing all of the song, just little snippets. The songs would change depending on what time of year he would see her. But – he mostly saw her in the winter time when it was cold outside.

Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there
It’s up to your knees out there

When she was a baby she would just look at him, but as she got older, she would smile and he would sing it again.

I had no idea what he was singing but LOVED that he sang to her and that she enjoyed it.

Then, about 6 years ago, we were all at Scott’s parents for Christmas and rented the movie Elf with Will Ferrell. Courtney was 8 years old. It got to the part of the movie where the song Baby, It’s Cold Outside was sung. I was sitting next to Grandpa, and I turned to him and said “HEY! That’s that song that you sing to Courtney.” He looked at me like I was a little nuts.

I went out and bought the sound track to that movie just to hear that song.

And every Christmas I get it out and listen to that song over and over.

It is now one of my favorites.

All because Grandpa sang a snippet of it to my daughter long ago.

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can’t stay
Get over that hold out
Ahh, but it’s cold outside.

Jingle Bell Rock

2010-12-09T09:18:00.003-05:00

This Thanksgiving weekend, during our whirlwind travels, we stopped to eat at a Cracker Barrel in Florida.

For those of you reading this that don’t know what this place is, it is a restaurant that serves southern cooking and they also have a store that sells everything from toys to candies to dinnerware and clothes. This place is ALWAYS busy. Always. You can get breakfast anytime you wish and the food isn’t too bad.

While we were waiting for our table to open up, I popped in to use the restroom. (Too much information, I know, but stick with me because it plays an important part in this here story.) As usual, there was a line to us one of the three whopping toilets they had. In front of me is a grandmother and her grandson. He insisted on using his own stall. No big deal. He is a big boy and can handle things just fine, thank you very much.

The store, even though it is only the day after Thanksgiving, is already pumping Christmas music throughout the place. Even the restroom.

Finally it is my turn.

*Note* I don’t know if I can do the rest of this story the justice it deserves, but I am sure gonna try.

As I am taking care of business, the song Jingle Bell Rock comes on over the speakers. This is a song, I have found, that you either love or hate. There really isn’t too much middle ground. I can take it once or twice during the holidays, but after that, I am done.

Apparently, this little boy LOVES this song, as he sat on his potty and sang the whole thing at the top of his lungs, all the while swinging his feet and hitting the toilet. He would take deep loud breaths between each verse and was just belting it out.

His grandma was on the other side of the stall asking him if he was almost done because his Papa was ready to go.

The child didn’t answer.

He just sat there and sang that song from beginning to end.

What a bright time
It's the right time
To rock the night away

As I am washing my hands, the grandmother is apologizing to the line of ladies waiting to do what it is you do when you are in a restroom.

And I just grinned to myself.

Sometimes, even the most mundane tasks, like going potty, would be a lot more fun if we would just sing while we were doing them!

Home

2010-12-01T10:35:00.002-05:00

Home

It means different things to different people.

I have had a home in California, Key West and am on my 3rd home on Georgia.

But my home is in California.

My parents bought this house when I was 2 years old and still live there. The back bedroom, where they keep their computer now, is my room.

When I get the chance to go home, which is not very often, I walk in and slip right into comfort.

Home

The sound the Furnas makes when the pilot lights and you know in a few seconds the heater is going to come on.

Home

How when water is run in my parents bathroom, you can hear the pipes “pop” in the living room.

Home

How when you are sleeping you are still aware that my dad is up because of the sound of the newspaper pages being turned because he reads the paper every single day first thing. You can count on that just like you can count on the sun coming up every day.

Home

How if you need change for something, look in my dad’s shoe that is on the hearth. I used to wonder when I was little if he ever accidentally left a coin in his shoe and then walked around on it all day.

Home

Where Christmas Eve’s were spent with family after the church service and then on Christmas morning presents were opened and we all went to my aunt’s house for brunch.

Last night we were having very bad winds and I was awakened early. As I lay in bed, I heard my own familiar things…

The clunk of the ice maker.

The wind chime on the front porch.

The stomp of my daughter’s feet upstairs as she gets up to get ready for school.

The patter of dog paws coming down the stairs as Oliver goes from Court’s bed to ours once she gets up.

And I realized, just this morning, that I have my own home, with my own sounds and memories.

And I know that it sounds stupid, but I laid there this morning and smiled to myself in the dark listening to the wind and my husband snore and was just happy to be home!

A Thanksgiving Recap

2010-11-28T16:17:00.002-05:00

For my family, Thanksgiving is the holiday that we travel to see everyone. We do a whirlwind trip that covers two states and a bunch of family.

This year was no different, but SO different than years past.

We usually leave on Thursday morning to go to Scott's parents house in South Georgia, but this year we left on Wednesday night. We were expecting TONS of traffic, but there was none.

This was our first Thanksgiving with Lucy, so we took her and introuduced her to Scott's family dogs. I was nervous, but she did great! She is an awesome car traveler, unlike Oliver.

Thursday morning, I got up early and walked a 5K for Toys for Tots. It was not my best time, but not my worst either. Right smack in the middle.

Scott's mom cooked an awesome dinner that night, and I was pretty impressed with how well I controlled my eating! No mashed potatoes or sweet potato casserole for me, but I did splurge and have some delicious dressing!! Judy made me a lemon pie from Weight Watchers that was REALLY good.

We all got up early Friday morning and drove to Tampa. This is the first year that Scott's parents have come with us. This is also the first year we went to Scott's grandparents house to visit. While we were there, Scott's Uncle Jimmy and his sons Ryan and Michael came. It was so nice to see all of them!

We left there and went to Scott's cousin, Trisha's house. This year her husband Alex was not there, he was traveling to see the Gators get BEAT DOWN by Florida State. But both of her kids, Lacia and Tyler were there, along with Scott's cousin, Richard, his partner, Stacia, their two boys, Logan and Rizon and Scott's Aunt Faye. We ate some very yummy left overs and played my new favorite game, Catch Phrase. Scott and I really had a good time!

We made the 4 hour drive home only to find that the person that was supposed to let out all 5 dogs a couple of times while we were gone did not do so. Imagine what we walked into at 1:00am....thank goodness my in-laws have tile flooring. 5 dogs inside for 17 hours..well, use your imagination.

Saturday, Judy and I went to the movies and saw Love and Other Drugs. Okay movie, not my favorite, but had great company. Scott, his dad, his brother and Courtney all stayed behind and shot their guns. I believe a microwave was the victim this year.

We ate a very yummy dinner of turkey sandwhiches and headed home. I drove and we listened to the Georgia/Georgia Tech game and to Courtney snoring in the back seat.

It was great to see everyone, even if only for a couple of hours.

I truly have very much to be thankful for.

Sarcophagus

2010-11-17T10:56:00.001-05:00

Growing up, when we took family vacations, my mom always tried to make them educational for us.

We would have a word of the day or something that we had to remember and she would test us all throughout the vacation and even after we got home.

When we took a trip to Hearst Castle, the word for the day was Sarcophagus. I think I was in like 4th or 5th grade. To this day, when I hear, or use that word, I go right back to that vacation.

She didn’t stop with just Jeff and I. When we all vacationed in Washington D.C. a couple of years ago, she had words of the day for us then too. I think it kind of drove Courtney nuts being tested at the end of the day, but she survived.

Last night Courtney was telling me that the learned about Pompeii, Italy. She was telling us about the volcano Vesuvius and how people, and even dogs, died. Scott told her how her uncle Ricky has been there while he was in the navy and even has pictures. After she was telling us all about this, I asked her what year that happened in. She said she couldn’t remember. I told her that when she comes home from school today, she needed to tell me when it happened.

She looked at me and said she would just go upstairs and look it up right now, because she doesn’t know how busy she is going to be today. Either way, I got my answer and she looked it up.

Then I started thinking about my mom and the things she did. Everything was a lesson. And while I hated it then, she did make memories and I did learn things that have stayed with me for forever.

I laughed to myself. Scott looked at me wondering what I was laughing about. I just shook my head.

Sometimes, you just have to be in my head for a few minutes for things to make sense. But there are words of the day in there, floating around, just waiting to be used.

Memories

2010-11-16T12:57:00.003-05:00

When I was little, we lived 20 minutes from my mom's parents and 4 hours from my dad's mom.

When I was in 3rd grade, my dad's moms, Grams, died.

She was the coolest grandma ever.

We used to tell each other what we got each other for Christmas. She liked the hand made slippers that my mom would get her from the church bizarre. She got me my first camera. It was a Kodak with flash bulbs.

She ALWAYS made chocolate chip cookies when we came to town. And a hot breakfast. ALWAYS a hot breakfast.

I remember I asked her one time, while we were playing kings on the corner, what if you fall down or something and need someone and you are all alone. She told me that she had friends that checked on her all the time and for me not to worry.

I still worried.

She always wore, and always smelled of Jergen's Lotion. I keep a bottle of that in my bathroom at all time so I can still smell her.

I cried hard when she died. She was the first dead person that I ever saw. It scared the crap out of the 3rd grade me.

I still miss her.

I have NO pictures of her for my own.

When I was in 5th grade, my mom's dad, Grandaddy, died. He was sick for a long time.

He was the best granddad a kid could ask for.

He ALWAYS had lifesavers in his pocket and Coke in the bottle in his fridge. He let me have my own bottle too. I didn't have to share it with Jeff. THAT was so cool.

I cried hard when he died. My 5th grade self couldn't understand why medicine couldn't make him better.

I still miss him.

My family has posted pictures from long ago of him on Facebook and I keep a picture of him up in my office at work. He was handsome as could be.

My mom's mom, Nana, is still alive.

She is 92.

She was the best Nana in the world. She would sit next to me in church and give me gum. She would by us Christmas gifts early, put them under her bed and forget about them, and then buy us all new stuff for Christmas.

Dementia has stolen some of her memories.

She can't remember me when I visit because she doesn't see me on a regular basis.

She can't remember that I have a daughter that is named after her husband. She would be thrilled about that if she could remember.

Last year at this time, she was really sick and everyone was preparing to say goodbye. But she rallied and seems to be doing fine in her body. Her mind isn't, but her body is.

My 41 year old self doesn't want to understand dementia, but I do.

It is an evil robber who takes everything good from your memory.

Like grandkids and great grandkids.

Thank God I remember her and Grandaddy and Grams.

Thank God for memories.

Angry All The Time

2010-11-14T12:54:00.000-05:00

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You aint the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time.

We have, and use, a DVR all the time in this house, as my husband and I cannot always agree on what to watch. So, sometime during the weekend I catch up on the shows recorded during the week.

Today was one of the catch up days.

I watch a show called Parenthood. The reason I started watching the show was because one of the characters has Asperger's Syndrome. I cried all through the first episode because it was when the parents were told what their child had. I continued watching the show for other reasons, though. As the show progressed, they show how the autism family is able to have a therapist come to the house to work with their child, which put me off a little bit, as Mrs. & Mrs Joe Average can NO WAY afford that. Autism is BARLEY, if at all, covered by insurance, so you have to pay a lot out of pocket - especially with kids with Asperger's as it is so high functioning. But that is the direction the show has taken and I just take it with a grain of salt.

This episode that I just watched killed me. I mean killed me. The dad took his son to the grocery store, and the son noticed, because these kids notice things like this, that the person in the express lane in front of them had 17 items and not 10. As the dad is explaining to his son that it is okay and trying to re-direct, the person with too many items told him that he needed to train his kid better and not to be a retard.

The dad punched him square on the face, which is not like this character at all.

The next day, when he was questioned why he lost it at the store, his eyes filled with tears and he said, very simply, I am angry.

He explained that he was angry about work, and about family but mostly about his child having Asperger's and not being able to do a thing about it.

I can't speak for Scott, but I sure know how that feels.

I remember one time Court and I were at the grocery store. To this day, she hates grocery shopping. Now, she is old enough to stay home, but this time she was way too young. I don't think she even had a diagnosis yet and we were doing, like all parents, the best we could do at the time. Courtney refused to walk with me to the next isle. So I left her there and then checked on her every minute to make sure she hadn't moved, all the while throwing stuff in my cart to get done. She wasn't hurting anything. She was standing in one spot because she was DONE shopping. As I was coming back to check on her an older man told me that I should just spank her and make her come with me.

Really? Did I ask him for his advice? Anyone who knows me knows the look on my face told him to go jump off a cliff, but I just said thank you and told her we were done and she came with me to the check out line.

I understand about being angry.

Here we are with a high schooler now, and everyone told us it would be easier as she got older. But they are wrong. She has a group of kids at school spreading rumors about her and her preferences in a mate. She has a boy who sits behind her in class and whispers, so that the teacher can't hear, how no one likes her. She doesn't know how to process all of this and reacts the only way she knows how, making her look even more odd than what we consider normal for her.

I understand about being angry.

Marriages with these types of children end in divorce more often than not. Scott and I can barley schedule time with each other. And if we do get to go out, we get a phone call every 10 minutes because she is bored or nervous or whatever else, and we can't enjoy our time together, which we really need.

I understand about being angry.

Family can not be so understanding and I see how, when Court walks into a room at a family gathering, people roll their eyes. The thing is, Courtney sees it too and she understands. Which makes her act out. Which makes everyone tense. Which makes for a lovely time for all involved.

I understand about being angry.

But I also understand about finding the joy in everyday things.

The EXCELLENT grades she gets

How absolutely beautiful she is

How she can forgive the meanest person who has done the most awful thing to her

How she has an awesome sense of humor

How she is accepting for all people, red and yellow, black and white

She is a good kid who tells me she loves me every day.

Who could be angry about that?

An Early Thanksgiving Post

2010-11-12T11:51:00.000-05:00

So we are approaching the time of year where talk about what we are thankful for.

I am thankful for a lot of obvious things –

My husband

My daughter

My house

My job

My health

But lately I have been watching. I have been watching the life that goes on all around me. I mean really watching. So I have made a list of things I am thankful for that I hope you will make you think what you are thankful for –

I am thankful that my house didn’t burn down last summer and that my family of five wasn’t totally uprooted and that I don’t have to deal with the insurance company who hasn’t even started re-building the house.

I am thankful that my child is healthy and didn’t die because of some disease like cancer and that I don’t have to plan a celebration of life, which is really a funeral.

I am thankful that my husband didn’t leave me and my kid and that I don’t have to ask complete strangers for gas/food money because there are no other options.

I am thankful that I didn’t open the door last night to find a man in uniform standing there to tell me that my child was killed in the line of duty.

I am thankful that my parents remember who I am when I call or see them and that Alzheimer’s hasn’t stolen their memories, both good and bad.

I am thankful that my dad doesn’t make me, because of my religion, wear long sleeves and have my head covered to the neighborhood pool while all the other kids, including my brother, are in normal bathing suits.

I am thankful that my parents taught me that it was wrong to be mean to someone just because of their sexual preference and I am even more thankful that I am not a parent of a child who has killed themselves because of bullying.

These are just some of the things that make me thankful this year.

What are you thankful for?

Blue Pumpkins???

2010-11-05T10:52:00.000-04:00

You know how it is funny, not funny like ha ha, but funny like...I don't know...funny how if you are in a situation you can spot others in that situation from a mile away?

This was the first year that Courtney did not dress up and go trick or treating. (Not that she was ever really into doing it. She would go to a couple of houses, be happy with what she got and want to go home. We used to force her to go farther.) So we all sat on the front porch and she handed out the candy and Scott and I looked at the kids costumes.

Scott carved two pumpkins this year. One of the pumpkins was a white pumpkin.

Up on the porch comes a boy who was about 12 or 13. He says to me, without looking me in the eye and while holding his bag out to Courtney for his treat, "where did you get a white pumpkin?" He was talking loud for where we were sitting and he was very interested in my answer. I went to tell him where we got it but before I could finish he was talking about how he always wanted to get a blue pumpkin. He wanted to know if I knew about blue pumpkins and went on to tell me about them. Kids are coming and going off of the porch all around him, as he hasn't moved away from holding his bag out to Courtney.

Finally his parents got him focused back to what he was doing. They smiled at me nervously, and I grinned real big and waived - because I knew.

That sweet boy had Asperger's Syndrome, the same type of Autism that my daughter has.

When his parents walked away, I turned to Scott and he looked at me and at the same time we just laughed and said "Aspergers".

And we know as they were walking away, they were telling their son to just go up and get your candy and come back down to go to the next house.

And we know the minute he got on the next persons porch, he forgot what his parents had told him.

I looked over at Courtney, happy to be giving candy to little kids, pointing out the obvious to us like we are not there, and I hope that boy finds a blue pumpkin next year.

And I hope that someone takes the time to listen to him talk all about it over and over again.

God Is Here!

2010-10-08T11:32:00.000-04:00

We have entered into my favorite time of the year…

Fall.

When Scott and I were first dating, I think we were both surprised to find out that each other’s favorite season is fall.

He likes the breeze and cool, but not cold, temperatures.

I like the colors.

This is also why I LOVE living in Georgia.

The colors are breathtaking. The golds, the reds, the oranges…words on paper cannot give them the justice they deserve.

Fall is when I open then windows and let God in. He has me wrapped in warmth. He brings the outside alive. As I drive to work he takes the time to say – Look what I did for you! I brought you cooler weather, I gave you a sunrise that just dances off of the colors on the trees and I gave you a spouse who loves it as much as you so you can enjoy it together.

Our nightly dog walking has turned into a brisk walk with my arm linked through his so I can steal some of his warmth, walking in rhythm and just being happy to be out and together.

Fall

I am so glad you are here….

Parenting is Not For Sissys!

2010-09-27T12:50:00.000-04:00

Parenting is hard.

I don’t care if you have the best kid in the entire world; the job is hard and doesn’t come with an instruction manual. 9 times out of 10 I am guessing as to what to do. I have taken advice from my mom, mother in law, co-workers, doctors and, once, even considered asking a stranger on the street.

My kid is a drama queen with a capital DRAMA QUEEN. Everything is either the best thing ever or the end of the world. There is no in between for her. Nope. It is cloud 9 or death.

So when she told me that she couldn’t see, I didn’t really believe her. She passed her eye tests at school, so why should I think she was as blind as she wanted me to believe? She claimed she couldn’t see the clock in the kitchen and she never knew the time. I thought she was too lazy to turn her head and look. She told me that she couldn’t see the board in her last period of the day. I thought that was because she hated that class and wanted to come home early.

Finally she started complaining of headaches almost every day. I told Scott that I was going to take her to the doctor because I suffer from migraines and thought she was also. He told me to take her to get her eyes checked first. I argued with him because she just passed her eye test at school last year. He said for me to pay the $10.00 co-pay and that way we can tell her we have had her tested and she is not blind.

So Saturday we went to the eye doctor.

I was pretty sure she was going to sit down in the chair and be just fine. The doctor started with her right eye. She could BARELY read the 3rd line down. Even through that entire eye exam, I thought she was faking. Then they tested her left eye and just zipped right through it.

The doctor gets done and looks at me.

Me: Bad right eye?

Dr: Oh Yeah. That is what is causing the headaches. The left eye has to compensate for everything and by the end of the day she should be having trouble seeing much of anything.

Court: See Mom! I told you!

So – Mother of the Year, I am not. But Mother Doing the Best She Can, I am.

I’ll take that award and will wear it with pride. Just like my mom did.

Wake Up Call

2010-09-08T16:46:00.000-04:00

So as most of you know, Courtney is Autistic. She is a high functioning autistic and does pretty well. Because she is who she is, I have joined a lot of groups and list serves that deal with issues that arise with these types of children.

I had thought I read everything but today took the cake. A mom actually posted that when her child was diagnosed she never read the report from the doctor. She listened to what he said, but never read the detailed report. Today she read it and was SURPRISED to find out that it was not all gloom and doom.

Surprised.

I guess what has me all up in arms is that she took what the doctor said and buried her head in the sand. If I knew this person I would drive over to her house and take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into the woman. He is her child. That alone should make her read every doctor’s report, ask every question and then re-ask them until she understands.

I have been there where the room is spinning and you think this isn’t what I signed up for when I decided to have a kid. But Scott and decided long ago it was our job to push the envelope.

My mom told me once that if I have high expectations for Courtney, she will meet them, but also if I have low expectations, she will meet those too. I think that applies to all parents of all kids everywhere.

My sister in law once told me we are our child’s biggest cheerleaders and only defenders. That is probably the most honest thing that has ever been said to me.

So for those of you who can’t get out of bed today – I understand. However, there is a kid on the other side of that door who needs to you to get up and greet the day with a smile (even a forced one) and tell the world this is my kid and they deserve to have a good day.

Pretty soon, that smile won’t be forced.

Look At Those Pukes!

2010-07-23T09:55:00.000-04:00

When I was growing up the punk rock scene was really big. It was not uncommon for me to go to school with kids who had colored Mohawks. One guy always changed the color of his hair to match the holiday we were in. So you knew at Christmas, his Mohawk would be green and red.

I had a friend, Jennifer Johnson, visiting me. We were on the way to church. My dad was driving. We were stopped at a light and crossing the street in front of us were some of the above mentioned type of people. My dad says, out loud for everyone in the car to hear, “look at those pukes.” J.J. turns to me and asks what a “puke” is. I had to explain that it was anyone that my dad felt was not “normal”. I was used to his comments, but my friends were not.

I remember thinking that he was just so old and didn’t “get it” and I was never going to be like him.

I am now 41.

I was at the pool last night because they were having a teen BBQ and DJ party and Courtney wanted to go. First of all, some of these kids should be locked up. I know that it is still kind of in fashion for guys to wear baggy jeans that fall down below their waist, way down, but I didn’t realize that they wear their bathing suits the same way. And what’s up with these girls wear see through bathing suits? Really? See through? And did the music HAVE to be so loud? I was trying to talk to my friend, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying back. (Actually I could care less about the music, it was really good and I like music.)

And to make matters worse, Scott and I actually schedule our time at the pool when we know there are going to be as little people there as possible because, you know, WE ARE TURNING INTO OUR PARENTS.

I think I might take Courtney to get a Mohawk or a piercing.

Who am I kidding? I don’t want MY kid looking like a “puke”!

Pick A Winner

2010-07-21T09:37:00.000-04:00

So I am driving to work today and behind me is a very good looking blonde in a BMW.
The windows are not tinted, so anyone can see in any of her windows and get a clear view of what she is doing.

Anyone.

Now, I had looked, really glanced, just to see what was going on behind me, because I was going to need to punch it right out of the gate to get over so I could make my turn ahead. If you have ever driven with me, you know that I consider my ride to work a contest and the more time I can take off of yesterday’s drive to work, the better my ride in is.

But I digress…

So I glance in my review and see Blondie digging for gold in her nose. This was not a scratch. It was not a quick inspection, it was a full on up to the knuckle dig.

All the while she is inspecting what she is doing in her mirror.

It was like a train wreck. I couldn’t not watch!

Then, after she finishes her expedition, she runs those fingers through her hair and straightens her bangs. All without so much as a wipe off on her clothes first.

Are you kidding me?

Grossness.

Clearly she needs to tint her windows.

And just so you know, the light changed, I was not first through the intersection and I missed my turn, causing me to have to take the long way to work.

Which didn’t do anything for my stats today.

Put A Fork In It...It's Done

2010-07-20T16:21:00.000-04:00

When your faith is stretched so thin
that you can see straight through your soul-
-Sugarland

Faith is defined on the web as: A strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny; an institution to express belief to a divine power.

For the last 14 years I have had faith that my child would, not be healed, but would progress significantly. I thought by the time that she entered high school, friends would be made and life would be less hurtful and hard for her.

Prayer is defined on the web as: The act of communication with a deity.

For the last 14 years I have prayed that I would know what to do when it comes to parenting her; that I would know what decisions to make when it comes to her schooling and when it comes to her autism treatments.

Lately, I have had so much trouble with these two words and EVERYTHING that goes with them.

I can tell you this…14 years into it, I fell no more confident than I did when they told us she had autism.

But my faith has been shaken a lot over the last year. The loss of a couple friends – one to anger and one to selfishness, watching people’s marriages dissolve like it wasn’t worth the time or effort to save and a myriad of other things that are little but add up.

And I am sure that many of you will want to quote scriptures to me that prove that prayer works, and that things happening are God’s will and not mine. I get that, I really do.

And I get that nothing is ever easy and I believe that when I tell Courtney that anything worth doing is not going to be easy I am telling her the truth.

But the people who tell me to just pray and have faith and that all will be better need to understand that I have done all of that.

I have done all of that – so what else do ya got? Because, really, right now I am open to anything…aliens, cults, drugs…so what else do ya got?

And no, I am not going to do any of those things. But right now, this minute, I am done with everything. Tomorrow, we will try it again, but as for today…

Today I am done.

A Reunion

2010-06-02T15:47:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I attended, for the first time, a Family Reunion on Scott’s side of the family.

Scott’s mom is named Judy. This was for her side of the family.

Judy has two sisters, Carol and Faye. Carol is older and Faye is younger. Growing up, they would spend their summers in Kentucky on the farm of their mother’s sister. They have two cousins, Linda aka Sissy and Donna.

The host family for the reunion was Linda and her husband Cecil.

Once we got there, and the introductions were made, we moved inside and I said “okay tell me who everyone is and how you are all related.” Within minutes, photo albums were pulled out and stories started being told. I was able to sit back and see the joy on Judy’s face as she told the story of her uncle, Linda’s dad, giving her money to go to the movies, then picking them up and taking them to Dairy Queen. I found out from Linda that Judy had no taste in clothing growing up because she wanted to wear plaid and checks together. The laughter was contagious.

The first night for dinner, Cecil made BBQ ribs and chicken, Donna made coleslaw and Linda made a hot potato salad that was to die for. There were also pinto beans and ham with homemade corn bread. And just when you thought you couldn’t eat anymore, Linda pulled out two homemade chocolate pies, one homemade coconut cream pie and a homemade peach cream cheese something or other that was so good it could melt your hair!

We decided to head down to downtown Paducah to a street fair down on the river. I was worried that is was going to be crowded, but there was the perfect amount of people there. I quickly learned that you can dare Scott’s Aunt Carol to do anything and she will. I had her singing back up for a street singer and dancing with an intoxicated man named Mel who generously offered to take her home. All of the girls went on a carriage ride, where the young driver was given so much grief that I am sure he prayed for rapture to happen right there and then.

We finally headed for the hotel. The plan was to go to bed, but we all began to chat. Scott showed his aunts and uncle pictures of our house. His aunt and uncle showed us pictures of everything from being a fireman to their grandkids. We went to bed late that night with smiles on our faces and our stomachs hurting from laughing so hard.

The next morning, we took the breakfast area by storm. We took pictures like we were tourists and Scott’s Uncle Dave showed a home movie from his computer. It was from a time long ago and stirred emotions so strong, that I felt like an intruder watching it happen. It was there that I realized we all have a past that we can have regrets about, but that there is also good that comes from those regrets. And sometimes, you have to wait for years to finally see the good, but it is there…hidden in a home movie.

We finally head over to Linda’s house, but not before Scott’s Aunt Carol gave Courtney and Lacia (the only teenagers in the group) these OBNOXIOUS clackers. As punishment, I made Courtney and Lacia ride in their car for the day! The girls head to Patti’s Plantation, a village that was from the 1800’s. It has been converted into shops and restaurants. We walk through the shops and eat lunch together. We laugh and eat and just enjoy each other. During this time, the guys are at home watching the Indy 500 and telling lies about fishing.

That night Cecil made BBQ Hamburgers and we all ate chips brought by Scott’s Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave. I thought Scott was going to pull one of the bags and hoard them for himself. I can’t remember the brand, but Scott was very excited about them. We gorged ourselves. All of the adults were outside on the screened porch while the younger generation stayed in the kitchen. Scott’s Aunt Faye accidentally left her camera on our table. This is where the fun took a turn. With two teenagers, Scott, his cousin Trisha and me left to our own imaginations and someone else’s camera we got a little silly. Aunt Faye caught us and while trying not laugh did her best at scolding us. We were so far past being reasonably sane, that we didn’t care.

Finally, we all gathered on the screened in porch to take group shots with everyone’s camera. Inappropriate comments were made and pure enjoyment was caught on camera. New memories were made and old ones shared. I feel honored to be a part of this family.

The next day hugs were handed out and good-bye’s said with promises to do it again next year and to keep in touch. Hopefully, we will all keep our words. As we drove home, we each had something different that we liked the best, but all of us agreed that this weekend was one of our favorites.

Family can drive you crazy, make you mad and warm your heart all at the same time.

Isn’t great??!!

A Mother Like No Other

2010-05-09T07:54:00.000-04:00

When I was younger, my church would host a Mother Daughter Banquet. It was held in the Fellowship Hall and lunch was served and then usually some sort of show or something. I remember one year women from the church had the girls model their wedding dresses.

I was not a fan of this then, and I am still not now.

I remember mom coming in and sitting next to me in church and saying that she had purchased tickets for us to go. I rolled my eyes and asked her why and she told me "I think it is important that you and I do things like this every once in a while."

Important.

Back then I didn't realize that kind of important.

With a daughter of my own, I do now.

Not that I would purchase tickets to a banquet, but I do plan something for just us, and if she is not into it, watch out.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be with her, because I did. It was that whole thing of it being a group of people - it is hard to explain.

I do have a ton of memories of my mom that I did enjoy doing but I will tell you my favorite....

My very best friend in the whole wide world was getting married and I flew into town just long enough for the wedding. My mom and I went to lunch one day. I don't remember the name of the place, but it was an old church that was made into a restaurant. The night before my dad had given her cash to pay for our lunches. We get there, we have a great lunch, it was a really nice time, and then the bill came. I sit back and don't do anything cause I saw dad give her money to pay. She looks at the bill, looks at her wallet and looks at me.

"I don't have enough money."

"Dad gave you money."

"Yeah, I don't have enough."

She laughs.

I crack up.

So I give her money and we pay the bill and go on our way.

As we are in the car driving home, I ask her what she is gonna tell dad. She informs me she is not going to tell him anything.

Dad gets home from work and asks how lunch was.

I bust out laughing - HARD.

My mom just looks at me and shakes her head.

That story probably is not even funny to you, but as I type this, I am laughing and the dog is looking at me like I am nuts.

That day will go down in history as one of my favorites. The look on her face was priceless, the laughing all the way home and even the next day and....

The day I spent with my mom having lunch and talking like friends.

It doesn't get any better than that!

Dear Woman In The Nissan Who Tailgated Me On The Way To Work

2010-04-23T08:52:00.000-04:00

I understand that we were on a one lane road. You also made it perfectly clear (to me only) that you were in a hurry. However I don’t know if anyone has shared this with you or not, but you can tailgate someone all day long, but if the person in front of them is only going 12 miles per hour, it is useless.

What I should have done is come to a screeching halt and let you rear end me. Then your pretty little car would have been all smashed up. However, I didn’t want to be inconvenienced while your insurance company was paying to have my car fixed.

You can thank me any time.

Actually, I should have followed your ass to your place of employment and shared this with you face to face, but I probably would have punched you and keyed your car and my husband would not be happy with me.

Again, you can thank me.

Either leave in enough time to get to work on time, or take a different route, but if you tailgate me again, I can’t promise that you won’t be seeing my back end in the front seat of your car.

Consider yourself warned.

Love,

Melissa

Wake Up Susie and Lay Down Sally

2010-04-21T16:29:00.000-04:00

For those of you who really know me, you know that my dad and I are extremely close and I think he hung the moon and the stars.

It is hard on me living far away from both of my parents. I just recently went home for a visit. It had been 6 years since my last visit. It is not that I don’t like visiting, I do. It is the leaving that is the hard part. I am trying to convince my parents to move to Georgia, however, I am not being that successful.

There are a lot of things that can spur an instantaneous memory. One of them is smell. To this day, if I smell the original scent of Jergen’s lotion, it immediately reminds me of my grandmother.

Another is taste. When I was home my mom made a punch that she used to make for me and my brother when we were young, and one taste of it took me back to being little.

But lately I have been hearing all sorts of music that reminds me of my dad. When I was little I was attached to his hip on Saturday’s. If he was going somewhere, I was with him. That means I listened to music with him in the car. It seems lately, that I have been hearing these songs on the radio and it sure does bring a smile to my face and an instant memory

Lay down Sally
And rest here in my arms.
Don’t you think you want someone to talk to?

Wake up little Susie, Wake up
Wake up little Susie, Wake up
The movie wasn’t so hot. It didn’t have much of a plot.
We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot.

And Honey I miss you
And I'm being good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could

Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard he was lost

Simply irresistible
She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
She's all mine, there's no other way to go

My dad can tell you the name of song, the artist, the year and what car he had when the song was popular. He will tell you that he never liked the Beatles. He raised me on the oldies, but let me listen to my music in the car when it was just me and him as I got older. He had me appreciate the Bee Gee’s and still watched MTV with me back when they actually showed videos. We both discovered John Cougar Mellencamp at the same time and when the Beastie Boys were popular, he tried, for my sake, to understand that whole scene.

When Scott and I are in the car and flipping stations, a song will come on and I will tell him how this song reminds me of my dad and then I make him listen to it. And Scott is always very nice about it.

I miss the days of hanging out with my dad. And when I see Courtney look at Scott with that look that says he is perfect, I know exactly how she feels.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

2010-04-18T15:38:00.001-04:00

I have always said that if you surround yourself with positive people, you will be a positive person.

I believe that.

I have a pretty darn good life. I have a husband who loves me. I have a daughter that is turning out to be a pretty, funny and good person. I come from a family where both of my parents are still married and taught me that some things are worth fighting for, some things are worth walking away from and to always try to find the good in everything. I have friends who would move mountains for me, and when I got married and had a child, they automatically included the two of them.

Recently, someone I work with was making fun of my weight. This person did this in front of a whole lot of other people. It was very obvious that he was teasing me. He was not trying to be malicious in any sense of the word. The next day he called me and asked if I was mad at him. He must have gone home and thought about it. I said to him "if I am going to get mad over something that you were just teasing me about, we have a whole other set of issues." But see, I am a person who enjoys being teased and teasing people. And so it was easy for me to blow off what he was teasing me about.

It has taken me many years to learn that some people don't like to be teased at all. And sometimes, after I go home and think about things, I have to call the person later and ask if they are mad at me. And sometimes I have to ask for forgiveness.

The best things in life are free. Free to forgive and free to be forgiven.

I love the fact that I am easy to forgive people. But I love more that people forgive me.

So just for today...let's all forgive someone something. I'll forgive you and you can forgive me.

Then we can sit down and find the good. Because finding the good is way better than pointing out the bad.

Rules to Follow While in Public with Your Children

2010-03-14T17:45:00.002-04:00

Dear Woman Who Brought ALL of Your 4 Kids to the Doctor’s Office:

I understand that finding someone to watch your kids can be hard. Heck, I only have one and it was hard back in the day to find someone to watch her. But I do have some tips for you on how to handle your children should you have to take them in public.

1. Never under any circumstances should you leave the 2 year old girl in charge of her two older brothers. Do you really think she holds any type of authority over them? Let’s just say they were throwing books all over the waiting room (which they were) and let’s say that the little tiny two year old told them to stop (which she did), they will not listen (which they didn’t).

2. Should you need to have your children come sit down next to you, you might want to get up and go get them. Yelling for them across the entire waiting room isn’t really what you want to do. And a word to the wise, making eye contact with other parents and feigning complete shock that the angels are not listening is wasted feigning. Save that for when you get called to the school for a parent/teacher conference.

3. I admire the fact that your brought your sister with you to stay with the kids in the waiting room while you took the baby back to see the doctor. You might want to tell her that it is kind of rude to be talking on her cell phone with her baby’s daddy ON SPEAKER PHONE to find out “exactly what he is so pissed off about” and just how long he plans on staying “pissed”. This was the pediatrician’s office and some parents look down on the language that was used around their children. (On a side note, you might want to tell your sister, that if she washed her child’s hair more than once a month, that the food that was caked in it would come out and help the child smell better.)

4. When you feed your baby and your 2 year old gold fish crackers and they drop them on the floor, I would suggest you pick them up. But if you are not going to pick them up, please do not let your children and your sister’s child grind them in to the carpet. That’s just rude.

I hope you find these tips helpful. They don’t apply only to doctor’s offices. No, they will apply to anywhere that you might find yourself.

Very Truly Yours,

Melissa

Courtney

2010-03-06T06:27:00.000-05:00

I have told you all Courtney stories before.

Like the time she came home from school and wanted to join the Girl Scouts, and then wanted to know if you still got to live at home when you were a Girl Scout.

Or the time she was in Kindergarten and got in trouble on a Friday. I was driving home with her in the back seat telling her how much trouble she was in when we got home and she told me that she knew she wasn't in trouble at home, because the Principal told her that she had all weekend to get her act together and it was only Friday.

Last week we had a meeting at Courtney's school to start preparing for High School. We have to start now if we want the transition to be successful. This was the first meeting that she was allowed to sit in on and have a say in. Her teachers had asked her some questions before the meeting and we were going over the results.

Special Education Coordinator - "Courtney does plan on going to college. She would like to be a kindergarten teacher or work with animals."

Scott - "Good. She can live at home as long as she is going to school."

*teachers and everyone laugh*

Courtney - "I don't know what you guys think is so funny..he is serious."

And with that the whole room busted out laughing. She was so concerned that they were laughing at something that clearly wasn't a joke.

We tried to explain why people were laughing, but it was lost on her.

At least we found out that she does want to go to College.

And now she knows how long she can live here.

I Want A Pop

2010-03-03T19:10:00.000-05:00

As you know by now, growing up my parents always took us on some sort of vacation. As you are also aware, my participation was not always looked upon as gracious.

But I wasn’t always bad.

A couple of times, my parents rented a little, little beach house down in Newport Beach.

Little. But cute! It had two bedrooms, a living room, kitchen and bathroom. It was on the side with the waves.

On that side there was a big long boardwalk. All along the boardwalk, were shops and restaurants. My mom would let me walk up and down it. Sometimes, my dad would take me to the pizza place. I thought it was cool because 1.) you could go in there barefooted and in your bathing suit and 2.) because everything was up high and my dad had to lift me to get on the chairs. You could order pizza by the slice and dad would get me a slice and orange soda and him two slices and a beer.

Back then my mom would drink Shasta…you remember the commercial for that…I wannna POP, I wanna SHASTA. I wanna taste PIZZAZ. All the great taste a SHASTA has. This vacation she stocked the fridge with them. They had ever flavor under the sun. And at night, she would let Jeff and I split one with dinner.

I don’t know who I was driving crazy this day. It could have been Jeff, but it was probably her. Jeff seemed to make friends easily and for me it was harder. I expected mom to play me and more than once was told “I was not put on this earth to entertain you.” So she gave me some money and told me I could walk ALL BY MYSELF to the liquor store and get myself some candy. Did I mention this was all by myself? Jeff wasn’t with me at all. Nope. I was flying solo.

And off I went, money in hand.

I got there and looked at everything I could buy and decided on a grape Whistle Pop. Clearly, I had got the best of both worlds. Not only was it a delicious candy, it was a loud ass whistle too! Proud of my purchase, I began my journey back to the beach house. There I was happily walking down the boardwalk sucking and blowing, blowing and sucking on my ever so wonderful CANDY WHISTLE!

I got back and walked through the door announcing my arrival with a long and loud blow on that whistle and was promptly told to either eat it or throw it away, but sure as hell, don’t blow that whistle anymore.

And I was so happy because I got to go all by myself without Jeff and get some candy! This was the best vacation ever!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2010-02-20T17:30:00.000-05:00

I went to the movies this weekend and saw Valentine. I thought it was a cute movie.

There is a line in there where a wife says to a husband, after admitting that several years ago she had a brief affair with his business partner, that when you love someone you love all of them, the good and the bad. And the husband forgave her right then and there. Actually, he had forgiven her way before that.

There are people who do not understand the dynamics of my marriage to Scott. Some of these people are people who only know a little of what they see. Some of these people are close friends and some of these people are family.

People have told Scott that they don’t know how he can be married to someone who is so outspoken and opinionated. That he really should have a wife that caters to him just a little bit more.

People have told me that they don’t know how I can be married to someone who has to know about every dollar I spend. That I really shouldn't have to ask his opinion on the way I decorate the house.

Truth be told, no one knows the dynamics of our relationship. Just like we don’t know the dynamics of our friends and family’s relationships.

But I can tell you this, Scott and I have been together since 1991. No one held a gun to his head and made him ask me to marry him. And I said yes on my own accord. We are approaching 17 years of marriage and neither one of us have plans for that to change. I still miss him when I am away from him all day. He still tries to cop a feel every time I pass him by. Every single time.

Slow to trust, but I’m quick to love.
I push too hard and I give too much.
I’m not saying I’m perfect,
But I promise I’m worth it.

When you love someone, you love all of them, the good and the bad.

Everybody Cut Footloose

2010-02-18T18:35:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from work today, which takes me an hour, flipping through the radio stations looking for something - anything- that would make my ride home a little bit more enjoyable.

Then on comes FOOTLOOSE.

Whenever this song comes on I get so embarrassed.

I was in 9th grade (I think) when I was asked out by this boy. He went to a different school than me. His school was showing Footloose in the gym. It was a school night and my mom let me go.

When we walked into the gym, I was behind him. I had friends that went to that school and was looking for them and didn't notice that he had stopped walking.

And I walked right into the back of him. Hard.

How do you recover from something like that? You don't.

He never asked me out again.

I was so mortified when that happened. And it is so funny now.

It is funny how a song or a movie or a smell takes you right back to a place so many years ago.

Memories.....

Olympics

2010-02-16T02:37:00.000-05:00

I love the Olympics.

I am not a huge sports fan, but I have certain events that I really like to watch. If they were on TV any other time, and I had something else to do, I wouldn't watch them. But if it is during the Olympics, I make the time.

I think I like the idea of the Olympics a little bit more. The worlds best of the best coming together to compete against each other. I like to see an event where a person/team just nails it. It doesn't matter to me which country they are from, if it a fantastic performance, I am proud of them.

But my favorite is the medal ceremonies. I can only imagine what it must be like to stand on that podium and hear your countries song playing in honor of you. When I watch that part of the Olympics, and I see an athlete get choked up with emotion, it just melts my heart.

When it is my country that is up there, it can bring a tear to my eye.

I don't know why I feel so proud. Clearly, I don't know the people on the podium, but if they are on Team USA I feel like some sort of proud parent or something.

Wierd, I know.

These games provide conversation at the office and with complete strangers.

Maybe the Coke commercials have it right....maybe we should all come together and be a team.

Instead of being on Team USA or Team Canada or Team Whatvever, we could all just be on the same team.

Back to Basics

2010-02-14T19:49:00.000-05:00

I am a person who sets goals for herself, her work, her family...everything.

MOST of the time, if the goal is important to me, I meet the goal. Sometimes, I am late meeting it, but I meet it nonetheless.

Sometimes, I set unrealistic goals. And then, when they are not met, I beat myself up over not meeting them.

Lately, there has been, on my part, no goal setting. Usually, I arrive to work early, make my list of goals to accomplish that day, and then set out to accomplish them. But lately, I am lucky to get anything on to paper. My goal has been to make it through the day.

My life has been hard lately. I have been getting hit from all sides. Home, work, life...you name it.

But today I realized, and I don't know why today is the day I realized it, that maybe for me to get back on track, I need to get back to basics.

If my life is too busy, perhaps I should make it less busy.

If my work load is too much, perhaps I need to just focus on one task at a time until it is complete.

If family and friends are stressing me out, perhaps I need to distance myself from them.

So I am going back to basics. Back to what I know and start from there.

Hopefully, by simplifying the process, I can make leaps and bounds towards my goals in my head.

And maybe, just maybe, I will come out on the other side a little bit wiser and a whole lot better because I did.

Etiquette 101

2010-02-01T15:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Man Eating At The Table Next To Us At Cheesecake Factory:

First, I want to start off this letter by telling you that I know the tables are close together. I do know that.

But let’s go over how one might act/not act in a situation like that, shall we?

One might actually hold their fork correctly. The fork is not a shovel. When eating with a fork, one should always bring the fork to ones mouth, not ones mouth to the fork. Hitting the fork on ones teeth is also not acceptable. One should pull their food off of the fork with ones lips NOT ONES TEETH. One should never hold ones fork they way you were with an overhand grab. Come on, this etiquette 101 that you should have learned at home when you were three.

One might want to eat with ones mouth closed. Put the food in the mouth and then close the lips over the teeth. Continue to do this the entire time the food is being chewed AND swallowed. Chewing with your mouth wide ass open and having food fall onto the table and your shirt is NEVER acceptable. Not even at a bar. Seriously, what were your parents doing dinner time? Certainly, they were not teaching you how to eat.

Ignoring ones family to listen to the conversation at the table next to them might be acceptable if one could manage acting like he wasn’t listening. However, turning your back to your wife while you shovel food into your pie hole and chew it like a crack whore who hasn’t had anything to eat in a week is not acceptable. Ever. Not ever.

Do you understand what I am trying to teach you here? It is never acceptable to act the way you acted in public. Clearly you are not ready to eat in a grown up restaurant. You are, however, qualified to order McDonalds and eat in your car.

Seriously I am amazed that you could even get laid much less land a wife. She must be deaf and blind to put up with you and your lack of etiquette.

Love,

Melissa

Someday

2010-01-29T06:35:00.000-05:00

I don’t hate a lot of things.

I don’t particularly even use the word hate.

But lately, I HATE autism.

I hate everything that goes along with it.

But I think what I hate the most is the not knowing. Trying to figure out is she acting out because her meds are off or is it because of something else is killing me. And it doesn’t help that she is internalizes everything. She won’t tell us anything.

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow

Someday

There are people who are in our lives that are convinced that she just needs a good spanking or to stay with them for a week and they will straighten her out.

There are people in our lives who think we are way too strict and think we need to just let her be.

There are always going to be people that think they know best. I challenge those people to come walk one week in our shoes. They can deal with doctor appointments, calls from the school, tracking of medicine all on top of normal every day stuff. Come on! Scott and I could use a break!

Ahhh…maybe people don’t know better than us. Because they haven’t talked to all the doctors and haven’t done hours and hours of research and haven’t beat their head against the wall trying to find a solution only to take two steps forward and three steps back.

Today I hate autism and everything about it. But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and start the process all over again because she is my daughter and I love her.

And because SOMEDAY it will be easier on her.

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow

Someday

Here is to SOMEDAY!!!

Just Be Still

2010-01-28T08:43:00.000-05:00

So I have this friend. No, dad, I am not going to tell you her name. I am sure she doesn’t want this posted with her name all over.

So I have a friend who was raised in a strict home. Not a mean home, a strict home. There were rules that she had to follow, and if she didn’t, she would be punished. The older she got, the punishments changed. They didn’t get worse, they changed.

All growing up she had a strong faith. She went to church. She knew the songs. Her heart belonged to Jesus. She thought it would always belong to Jesus.

Then life happened.

She grew up and got married. Babies were born. She moved to other states to follow her husband’s career. And somewhere along the way, her heart no longer belonged to Jesus. It belonged to everything and everyone else. There wasn’t time for her heart to belong to Jesus. There were bills to pay, meals to be made, run one kid to practice and the other to dance lessons and a husband who needed some attention too.
But if you asked her at any time, she would tell you she still had a strong faith and that she missed going to church. When you asked her if her kids wanted to go to church, she just kind of shrugged.

Then one day she looked around and her kids were older and off doing their own things. So she decided she would go to church one Sunday.

How long had she been gone? Church was totally different now. People showed up in jeans and there was a band with drums. Since when do drums belong in a church?
But the service had started and she didn’t want to just leave, so she stayed and observed.

People were enjoying themselves. Imagine that! Kids and adults alike were into the service. She looked up at the screen to see the words to the songs they were singing. One was a traditional hymn, but with a different beat and another was a song with words that moved her to tears.

As she stood there and observed she realized she was mad. She was mad at God. But you can’t be mad at God, can you? And what was she mad about?

She went home and tried not to think about church and what she felt, but try as she might, she couldn’t get the feeling to go away.

She finally realized that she was mad at God for letting her get to a place where she no longer felt drawn to him. That church wasn’t that important anymore. That life worked just fine, thank you.

But she also realized a feeling that she missed. She tells me that she can’t put it into words how she felt, but it was a familiar feeling.

When the road gets crazy
And tries to break me
And I've had all I can stand
I can close my eyes no matter where I am
And just be still

There's a place I need to go
Where stained glass windows glow
Every part of me is known
Thank God I can go there
Thank God I can go there

Still

I know, like her, that life gets crazy and we all are struggling to fit everything in. But just think how maybe, just maybe, the struggle would be less if we would just be still.

Oh Brother!

2010-01-27T08:38:00.000-05:00

So, as all of you know, I have an older brother.

He is funny and he is smart and he is rude and drives me nuts. Our relationship is the type that we would be there for each other in a heartbeat, but the day to day stuff chat one a week visit each other on a regular basis will never happen. I am not being mean…that is just the facts.

A couple of weeks ago he called me to tell me that he was in the process of planning a surprise 40th birthday party for his wife, Kim. He asked if we could come. My family couldn’t come, but I could. So last Friday, I drove the 7 hours to his house.

Now, let me tell you, this wasn’t your typical surprise party. Nope. Jeff isn’t typical. He threw her an Amazing Race themed party complete with clues and travel.

She was in California on business and met up with my mom and dad for dinner and a play. My mom and dad gave her the first clue. When she arrived back home in Florida, her friends from South Carolina gave her the next two clues. Jeff gave her the 4th and 5th clue. Her best friend from Arkansas flew in to give her the next clue. Another good friend, that I can’t remember her state, flew into her give her the next clue. Her parents drove in from Tennessee to give her a clue. I came from Georgia to give her a clue. Friends from Tennessee flew in as part of clue. Jeff made sure that everyone who came in from out of town were the people to give her the clues. The last clue took her to a park where something like 55 additional people were waiting for her. Jeff pulled up on the grass and the two of them ran to the “finish line”, where Jeff announced that after almost 20 years of marriage and 3 kids “KIM FINALLY TURNED 40!”

That woman was a mess that day. A good mess. She cried all sorts of happy tears that day.

Then afterwards, a bunch of us went to dinner and back to their house and played cards. It was a perfect day and Jeff planned it all.

The next day I went to church with them. This is only the 2nd time this church has had a service. We were there early and I was sitting out in the lobby. I couldn’t see Jeff, but I could hear him. He was talking to the team of greeters telling them what they needed to do.

This is the Jeff that I forget about.

With me, I get one and two word answers. With them he was wonderful. Which makes sense, right? With family you sometimes get what is left.

But I was happy to remember that he is really good at what he does. He is well respected. He is well liked. He is really funny.

And I am really proud of him.

And if all I get is what is left, that is okay with me because he sure does give to a lot of others who need it way more than me!

What's In A Name

2010-01-26T10:34:00.000-05:00

When I met my husband, he was in the Navy. I had just come out of a relationship and he was getting ready to leave for another duty station. We were not going to fall in love. We were just gonna date. Clearly, I could not fall in love with a Navy man – they wear bell bottoms – ewww!

But, fell in love we did - bell bottoms and all.

When it came time to get married he said to me something to the effect that he wanted to take my last name. We would have been Mr. & Mrs. Graves. But I was young and told him that his name was fine and I would take his.

By the way, his last name was YAUCH (pronounced yowk).

It wasn’t long after we got married that I understood. If I dropped of film to be developed, (this was before digital cameras) it was always under the W’s. Mail would come to Melissa Yanch. Most people would pronounce it as yuck.
12 Years into our marriage, Scott came to me and said, he wanted to legally change our last name. So I researched how to do it and started the process. But, we had to decide on a name and it had to be one that all three of us agreed on.

And so it began.

I told Scott that we didn’t have any guts if we didn’t change it to Smith. Then I thought we should put it up to the highest bidder on E-Bay. But Scott was afraid we would have to change our name to something like poop.

My mom wanted us to take something from her side of the family.

Courtney wanted to change her first name too, but we told her that was not an option.

Scott was thinking Pearson. I was not thinking Pearson.

So we sat and went over all of the last names of this family and decided to take his mother’s maiden name of Coleman. We stayed with his side of the family, but it was a name that John Q. Public could pronounce.

When we went before the judge, he asked us why we wanted to change our name. Scott looked him dead in the eye and said “Dude, it is Yauch. Coleman is much easier.”

So for $60.00 per person, we are now the Colemans.

And that is why you see so many names when you look me up on Facebook. I am not divorced. I am not in the witness protection program. I am just something that is now pronounceable.

High Heeled Boots, Ice and a Stranger

2010-01-12T15:09:00.000-05:00

It was several years ago. I was driving home from work. I was approaching my exit when I saw a young man walking on the freeway with a gas can. I remember seeing his car on the side of the road. He was out of gas smack dab between exits and not close to either one at all. I watched him in my review mirror. I remember saying out loud to myself, if he is at my car before the light turns green for me to turn to head home, I would ask him if needs help. I was letting the light determine the fate of what I would do.

The light was still red.

I rolled down my window and asked him if he needed a ride to the gas station. He jumped in and said he was on his way to his sister's soccer banquet and thought he could make it. His mom was going to kill him if he wasn't there. So, I took him to the gas station and got back on the freeway to take him to his car. He was so thankful and appreciative. I knew I did the right thing.

I got home and told my husband and he was none to happy with me at all. He could have been an axe murderer for crying out loud! Obviously he wasn't as I was standing right there in front of him.

So I called my mom for a little back up. She agreed with Scott that it wasn't the wisest decision I made. It could have been unsafe.

Here I was wanting accolades, and was getting grief!

Last Friday Georgia shut down because of snow and ice. I still went ahead and went into the office. I do not have a lap top and cannot work from home and had quite a bit of work to do. I was actually doing quite well. I was driving all careful and everything. My hands were at 10 and 2 like the driver's manual says. Safety was my middle name.

I was really close to work. Really. Close.

I has just crossed over an icy patch and was approaching a hill of ice. I had no reason to think that I wouldn't be able to make it up the hill. I had crossed over everything else. There were people behind me going to attempt the same thing.

My car had other ideas.

It could not grip the ice to get up the hill. I was stuck. People behind me turned around and went the other direction. People who had 4 wheel drive, just passed me. Did I mention I WAS STUCK?

I try to call Scott thinking that he could give me some words of wisdom to get me up that hill, but he didn't answer because he was in the shower. I tried calling work but they didn't have any suggestions.

I am a California girl. I don't know how to drive in anything but sunshine, much less, ice.

So, I decide I am going to back up.

Now, all of you should know that I can't back up on a good day. I can't. Hell, I have trouble getting my car between the two white lines of the parking spaces at the office and get made fun of on a regular basis.

But back up is what I decided to do.

And then the car started sliding all sideways like. AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME. Scott would kill me if I wrecked the car. He had wanted me to stay home anyhow.

So there I am panicked on the middle of an icy hill.

The by the grace of GOD and nice man walked up the hill to my car and said he could help me. I tried to explain that I was from Cali and we like don't get like ice there and I could totally use some like help, fer sure!

I get out of the car wearing these darling heeled boots and he takes one look at me, shakes his head and says - "Oh, honey, you are from California, aren't you!"

When he gets in the car, he looks at me and says - "You are going to think that I don't have control of the car, but I do." He then proceeds to slide my down the hill. The back end got all sorts of wiggy and I knew we were gonna die.

But control he did have and got me turned around and headed in a better direction.

I thanked him over and over. Actually, I did everything but kiss him.

I am sure I was the talk at his dinner table that night.

And I tell you all of this because we should really treat people the way we want to be treated.

And if they happen to be axe murderers......well, I don't know what to tell you about that!

Snow Day

2010-01-07T08:37:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, I was born and raised in California. We didn't get snow days there. The most we did was earthquake drills. That's it.

Courtney was in 2nd grade. There was a threat of snow overnight that didn't happen. When I woke up that morning, I looked out the window and saw that there was no snow and had Court get ready for school and I got ready for work.

When I arrived at the school there were cars in the parking lot and I pulled up, dropped Court off and went to work like any other normal day.

When I got to work, my boss says to me what did you do with Courtney today? I looked at her like she was smoking dope, and told her that I dropped her off at school. She looked at me and told me that school was closed today. I asked her why and she explained that it was a snow day EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO SNOW!

Paniced, I called the school and they had her in the office and were laughing at me. Scott went and picked her up and all was fine.

That was the year that I DIDN'T WIN the mother of the year award.

But I still need someone to explain to me WHY school would be closed if IT DIDN'T SNOW!!!!????!!!!

Already Gone

2010-01-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

The last time I saw him, we packed up my things
And he smiled like the first time he told me his name
And we cried with each other
We split the blame for the parts that we couldn't change
Pictures, dishes and socks
It's our whole life down to one box
There he was waving goodbye on the front porch alone

But I was already gone

So we were out shopping this past weekend, spending the gift cards we received for Christmas, when we ran into a friend and her kids. We have known them for a while. We did Girl Scouts together. Not the best of friends, but friends nonetheless. I think it was Scott who asked, where her husband was hiding. That is when the uncomfortable look on her face came and she had to tell us that they were getting a divorce.

If one more of my friends announces this again I might just flip out. This is number three since summer.

For each of these friends, there are different reasons. Valid reasons. Sad reasons. And each of these friends are mourning the loss of their marriage in different ways and different levels.

Scott and I were walking to the car and I stopped him and told him I didn't want a divorce. He smiled and said something smart like he didn't know I was thinking of getting a divorce. I just stood there in the cold and looked at him. He then realized I was serious and said we could talk about it but it had to be in a warmer place, not the middle of a shopping center parking lot.

We got in the car and I told him that I want to stay married forever, but that I want us to be in love forever too. And that I didn't want Courtney to leave home one day and for us to have nothing in common and to not like being around each other. And that I wanted him to promise that none of that would happen.

He took my hand and told me he promised to always try to make sure that none of that happened.

I sat there and thought of all of the tough times we have gone through. Of the times that one of us was ready to just walk away because we couldn't handle the stress of autism or finances or life in general. And then I thought about how glad I am that we stuck it out, because I can't imagine my life without him.

I am sad for my friends.

But I am also excited for them. It is a new start to their life. A new chapter waiting to be written.

For them, I hope this chapter ends happily ever after.

For me and Scott - I promise to always try and when I think I can't try anymore, I promise to try again!

Forgiveness

2010-01-04T03:14:00.001-05:00

See the title of this post?

How can one word carry so much... weight?

I used to be this really forgiving person. People could treat me poorly one day and be nice the next day and I would forgive them in a heartbeat.

Today, not so much.

I can hold a grudge like nobodies business. And don't try to tell me, in the middle of my grudge holding, that I am being unreasonable, or I will not forgive you for saying that. It's that bad.

Although, I am not above asking, or expecting, forgiveness. Nope, I have got that down.

Sounds like I am a bit of a one way, huh?

Every year, the day before school starts, we meet with all of Courtney's teachers for the year and tell them what to expect with the child they are getting. We lay it all out there for them to see. Her lack of self confidence. Her internalizing everything. How she is one of the smartest children you will ever meet, but won't apply herself ON PURPOSE so as not to make herself anymore of an outcast. How she will go toe to toe with the toughest child in the school over something SHE feels is important. How she refuses, I mean REFUSES, to use a locker and carries all of her books in her book bag to each class and home, even though she has a complete set of books at home too. We lay it all out there and just when they get a look on their face of a mixture of worry and panic, I ask them:

"Now, do you want to hear some good things about her?"

And they all just kind of nod....except for the first year teachers, I think they are silently praying to God. Then I say:

"She is the most forgiving person you will ever meet. She has compassion that will bring a tear to your eye. IF she thinks you like her, she will walk to the ends of the earth for you. She has got a cute little sense of humor. If you take the time to get to know her, I mean really know her, your life will be better because of it."

And they all just kind of look at me like yeah right, you are her mom. All moms say that about their own kids.

And then, by the end of the year, most of the teachers will take me aside, or send me an e-mail to tell me how much of a pleasure it was to have her in class and then tell me something they have witnessed to back it up.

And most of those stores involve how Courtney can forgive even the most offensive thing done or said about her.

Forgiveness.....I hope she never loses that ability. I hope the world doesn't make her lose this ability she has. I hope she doesn't learn how to hold a grudge.

Maybe I need to mold myself after my daughter instead of trying to mold her.

Maybe forgiveness isn't all that bad....maybe

Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie

2009-12-29T14:07:00.000-05:00

There are two places that I call home. One is Georgia, where I live now, and the other is California where I was born and raised. I lived in Key West for a few years, but that was never home. The only sentimental attachment I have to it is the fact that my daughter was born there.

Georgia has so many things I love. There are definitely four seasons. The summers are hot and sticky. The winters are cold with, hopefully, a couple days of snow. Spring is filled with blooming flowers and trees and fall is so vibrant it can literally take your breath away with its beauty.

California has so many things I love. The beaches that we went to every summer for the day or for a week. The mountains where I honeymooned or just went for a day trip. My favorite restaurant, Northwoods Inn. There are things there that Georgia doesn’t have; my family is there along with my friends.

My parents still live in the house that we moved into when I was two years old. The same people still live on that street. The Barkley’s live across the street. He was a teacher at my junior high and Kristin and Craig will always hold a special place deep in my heart no matter what.

The Kelly’s still live down the street. This is the family that might as well have claimed me on their taxes as one of their own. If I wasn’t at home, I was there. They have four kids and dinner time was my favorite time to be there. The table was loud and no topic was off limits. I learned things during those meals! Diana was the maid of honor in my wedding. Her aunt, Ruth, gave me my first office job. When Mr. Kelly died, I cried at his funeral like I had lost my own father.

Growing up, we always talked about how we would live close to each other and our kids would play together. I moved away before either of our kids were born, and they have never even had a chance to meet, let alone play together. We send e-mails to each other, funny jokes or pictures of our kids. Occasionally, we pick up the phone and call each other. Mostly to tell each other of a mile stone that has happened in our lives. Never just to chit chat. But there are things that have not changed since I have been gone. I recognize her voice the minute she says hello, she can make me laugh loud and hard over something stupid and we can fall into an easy conversation that is not strained or dull not matter how long between conversations.

Now that we are on Facebook, I can reach out to her daily. Not only her, but her mom too! But that doesn’t replace the dinners where her three brothers had me spitting my drink out my nose over something they said. Or the summers that we would run the water down her driveway and then slide down it for hours. Or sitting under the big tree out front eating saltine crackers with peanut butter that her dad had made for us. Or playing Hide N Seek outside.

I am trying to plan a trip to California right now. I am excited about it because it has been so long since I have been home.

And hopefully, our kids will get to play together.

The Mom's Book

2009-12-23T11:19:00.000-05:00

Last Christmas Courtney purchased, with her own money, a book for me. This is actually a great gift for me as I love to read. The book is entitled The Moms' Book for The Mom Who's Best at Everything.

When I opened the present, I thought she got me this book because she thought I was, clearly, the best at everything.

However, that was not the case.

The book is a handbook on HOW to be the best at everything.

Apparently, she thinks, I need some help in that department.

That could be because of the time I dropped her off at school when it was closed. Or the time she ate dinner at a friends house and I forgot and made her eat dinner again at home and she got sick.

Anyhow...let's go over this book shall we?

The first part of the book talks about how to get your kids out of bed in the morning and how to get them to stay there at night. It gives great tips like tickling their feet to wake them up or telling them a bedtime story that is not TOO exciting to get them to sleep. I guess this is better than set your alarm to get up and telling her that if she gets up again she is getting spanked I don't care if the house is on fire.

The second part of the book talks about how to have the BEST birthday parties. It has everything from different themes to recipes. REALLY? All of these parties are to be held at your house. Now tell me, who wants a bunch of kids at your house messing it all up? Birthday parties are to be held somewhere else and quite frankly, Publix makes a birthday cake better than anything I could make for a great price.

The next chapter talks about heroic moms. One in particular, Josephine Baker, adopted 12 kids and still managed to be a star of stage and screen along with undercover work in the 2nd World War. Bitch please. I am a mom to an autistic kid. She's got nothing on me. My one is like having 12, only I don't get a tax credit at the end of the year.

The next chapter talks about how to throw an instant dinner party when you child decides to invite 5 friends over without letting you know. Dinner Party? Are you out of your mind? First, my kid better ask first and she knows that and second, order pizza. Good Lord, why make it so hard that you need a book to tell you what to do. Get Papa John's on speed dial for crying out loud!

It goes on to talk about house work shortcuts. Here's a shortcut for ya - marry a military man. No one can clean a house like someone who was in the military.

It goes on to tell the reader how to take time to pamper themselves. I guess this author doesn't have kids because last night while I was trying to "pamper myself" by taking a bath (we really call that just good hygiene), Courtney came in 3 times and Oliver brought his ball in wanting me to throw it for him. So much for pampering.

If you are needing help in the parenting department, then this just might be the book for you.

But let's face it, you and I both could write a book about how to parent. It is just that no one will publish it because it is TRUE LIFE.

The Odd Couples

2009-12-21T11:33:00.000-05:00

You know what is funny?

Not funny as in ha, ha. Funny as in…I don’t really have a word for it, funny as in odd.

It is funny how people come into your life.

Scott and I are friends with a couple who are too old to be our parents, but not old enough to be our grandparents. They are between that. They are tweeners!
This couple includes us in family functions. They remember all of our birthdays. They make sure that we are not alone for holidays. They have helped me and guided me through part of my adult walk with God. They hug us when we walk in and when we leave.

Last night we had our Christmas with them. There was great food and even better company. It came time to open the gifts and I must tell you that we received the best gift last night! They must have saved every single picture they have ever taken of Courtney and made us a calendar. There are pictures of her when she was 4 and 5 years old. There are some I don’t even remember being taken. And with each turn of the page, there she was again and again growing up.

We will treasure this gift and I can’t wait for January to get here so I can hang it up!

I am grateful for their gift and their friendship.

Who would have thought that all of us would be as good as friends as we are?

Whatever it is we have, the dynamics of it work.

And that might be odd, but it is also really great!

A Chorus Performance

2009-12-16T08:20:00.000-05:00

So last night we went to West Hall Middle School's Christmas - excuse me - Holiday Choral Performance. The 7th and 8th graders were in their formal wear with everyone hair fixed and teeth brushed. The 6th graders were in their choral shirts and khaki pants. There was excitement in the air! Each class sang 5 songs. These were not traditional caroles either. They all, each grade, did a great job.

At least I think they did.

You see, we have to sit relatively close to the front, as Court is the smalles child in the chorus and if we don't sit close, we can't see her because she is blocked by Mr. Gomez, the teacher. So there we were in the 2nd row. In front of us is a mother with her 3 year old daughter. And this is where the trouble began.

First the little girl wanted to carry the sheep around from the Nativity scene that was in the front of the church. As everyone is performing, she is walking up and getting the sheep, then is told to go put it back, so she walks back up there to put it back. This happened SEVERAL times.

Then, in the middle of a song, she announces on the top of her lungs that she needs to go potty. So her mom takes her potty. They come back to the front row. She now has no shoes on and her princess panties are pulled up and over her jeans. She proceeds to run up and down the center isle of the church. Her mom keeps telling her to come sit down, but never once got up to get the child.

Then, the child decided to sit on the front steps of the church leading to where the kids are singing. She sat down and stood up, sat down and stood up, sat down and stood up. She then decided it would be fun to jump up and down each step. There were 5 steps in case you were wondering. Jump, jump, jump.

The mom finally decides to get up and go get her kid. When she bends over to pick her up her jeans slipped down. She wasn't wearing princess panties. In fact, she wasn't wearing any panties at all. We all got to see the mom's butt crack! The kid decides to scream that she doesn't want to go sit down, so the no underwear wearing mom leaves her where she is to continue doing whatever it is she was doing, which I can't remember right now because of the pain in my eyes from my retnas burning from the butt crack incident.

Finally, the performance was over and we gathered up our children and headed home.

Maybe that mom will ask Santa for some underwear for Christmas.

Me and You and A Dog Named Blue

2009-12-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

We were living in Key West. Courtney was about 2 and I decided that we needed a dog. The reason I came to this decision is because the owner of the place where we all got our hair cut had a chocolate lab that hung out in the shop and Courtney loved that dog. So I begged Scott to take me to the Humane Society to look at dogs. It was against his better judgment, but he took me.

When we got there it was very loud. All of the dogs were barking at us trying to get our attention.

All except one.

She was in her pen just looking at me. When I came up to her gate, she came up to me, but didn’t bark. I told Scott this was the dog I wanted. She was a black lab. They didn’t know how old she was. They didn’t know where she came from. They didn’t know if she was good with kids. They just didn’t know anything about her.

But I wanted her.

We paid for her, but for some reason I don’t remember, we didn’t pick her up until the next day. She was full of ticks and had two different kinds of worms. We took her to the vet and got her fixed and she became a permanent part of our family.

We named her Blue, which really confused our child who was learning her colors at the time. A black dog named Blue was odd, but then so are we, so she fit right in.

She wasn’t a big barker at all. She came knowing how to sit and shake. Whenever we moved, all we had to do was walk the property line with her and she stayed in our yard. She never needed a leash to be outside. She would shake the grass or water off of her on command. She never destroyed any of our things. She was everything I wanted her to be.

I remember when we brought Oliver home she was so mad at us. She would be in the room with us, but would sit with her back to us. But eventually, she relented and liked him. She even shared her bed with him until he was just so annoying, then she would kick him off.

We had that girl for 11.5 years.

And there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her!

If you are ever looking for a pet, please consider a rescue. There are a lot of animals out there that need a good home and there are a lot of families out there that need a good pet!

Life Is Good

2009-12-11T08:25:00.000-05:00

The weather has turned cold in Georgia.

When it gets like this, all three of us prefer to stay home where it is warm.

This past weekend it was cold, and I convinced Scott to start a fire in the middle of the day. All three of us were in the living room together. No one was really talking, but we were together watching the fire and the TV. Oliver took his turn with each of us until it was time for me to get up and make dinner.

It was a simple day.

It will go down in history as one of my all time favorite days.

A good looking husband.

A beautiful daughter.

A nice warm fire.

A cute little dog.

Yep – life is good!

Does Jesus Make House Calls?

2009-12-10T10:53:00.000-05:00

There is not a parent out there who hasn’t at some point in time wished that their child came with an instruction manual. There have been, and I am sure still will be, many times that I have been stumped on how to raise this child of mine. A book would be great. Let’s say I was getting a major attitude, I could flip to attitude, look up her age and read something about how it is against the law to kill her on the spot.

She was in 5th grade when she started waking me up in the middle of the night asking me questions about middle school. What if she can’t get her locker open? Why do you switch classes for each subject? I tried to tell her not to worry about it and to just concentrate on getting through 5th grade. But nothing I said would calm the child’s fears. Scott and I talked about it and decided we needed to address her anxiety with her doctor, because it seemed to be escalating. Her doctor informed us that it was not going to get any better until we put her on medication to help it.

Scott and I had always kind of been anti-meds. We were bound and determined to teach the child coping skills. How we were going to do this? We had no idea. We consulted doctors, we did research on the internet and we beat our head against the wall because nothing was working.

So we relented.

I remember crying and telling Scott how worried I was because these medicines mess with your brain and one thing Court really has going for her is her smarts. I told him that I just didn’t feel right doing this. While he agreed with me, he asked me what would make me feel better about it.

I told him I wanted Jesus to come down here and tell me face to face that I was doing the right thing.

He just smiled at me then told me he didn’t think he could make that happen.

So we decided that we would try this medicine and if we felt like it wasn’t working, we could take her off of it just easily as we put her on it.

And put her on it, we did.

And it worked.

For almost three years.

Then lately we noticed that she was starting to complain about a stomach ache and she was walking around with her shoulder up around her ears. This is a sure sign that she is anxious. And no matter what we said to her, it was the end of the world. So, we talked to her doctor and they decided to raise her medicine. They told us it could take up to two weeks to see a difference.

It has been 9 days.

And I have my happy kid back!

And I guess I don’t need Jesus to come down here. He handled it from right where he is!

Be Carfeul What You Ask Her.....

2009-12-09T06:23:00.001-05:00

Christmas for the last several years has been celebrated with the DiMaggios. They are our dear Georgia family. This is a very extended family with Grandparents and Uncles too. These people not only accept my child for who she is, the actually love her. They make sure she is included in everything. Needless to say, they walk on water in my book.

This particular year Santa had brought a family gift instead of just a Courtney gift. He does that sometimes when he is on a budget. This is the year he brought Guitar Hero. And she loved it.

Or at least we thought she did.

When we had our Christmas over at the DiMaggios, she received a Three Stooges DVD as one of her gifts. The child LOVES the Three Stooges. Everyone laughed because she was so excited.

When we got home that night and she was getting read for bed, I asked her what her favorite gift was - fully expecting her to say Guitar Hero.

Nope.

It was the DVD.

Later, I called Nicki to tell her that was her favorite.

She bust out laughing and said:

"Melissa, I got that out of the dollar bin at Target."

We learned with Courtney that it is not the amount you spend on the child. It is truly the little things.

This year she would like socks that have patterns that she can wear with her boots.
I am having trouble finding ones with designs on them.

I will not stop looking. There are still several days left!

Me and My Drum

2009-12-08T12:55:00.000-05:00

Christmas.

Ughh.

The time of year where people go into debt to make sure that everyone gets a gift and everyone had the same amount spent on them. Some people, who don't have enough money to pay cash for everything, will put it on credit cards and spend all of the next year paying it off only to repeat the process again.

What have we all been taught? When Jesus was born, people came from all over bringing him gifts. Expensive gifts at that. It makes sense, to some, that we should buy expensive gifts for each other.

But maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Let's look at the little drummer boy, shall we?

He was told to come see a new born King and that people were coming from all over bringing him the finest of gifts. But he was poor. He had nothing to bring. Did that stop him from going? Nope. He still went.

Imagine his surprise when he showed up and there was a KING in a stable with cattle. Still, people were bringing the best of the best and gifting it to the child.

I have no gift to bring
That's fit to give a King

All he had to offer was what he did best - play the drum.

What do you think Christmas would be like if all we gave was the best of us?

Do you think people would rejoice?

Do you think people would get mad?

What if all I could give was the service of raking my neighbor's leaves up in the yard? Do you think they would think that was the best gift ever?

Maybe. Maybe not.

But as long as I remember that I gave my best that is all that matters.

I played my drum for him
I played my best for him

I chose to believe that Mary and Joseph loved that drum playing the best of all.

Because it came from the heart.

Pa rum, pum, pum, pum

Tis The Season

2009-12-07T08:25:00.000-05:00

Dear Shoppers - we have entered into that time of year where everyone is in a rush to get their gifts purchased, wrapped and under the tree in time for Christmas morning. While out shopping this past weekend, there seems to be some confusion on just how to do this. The following are some helpful suggestions to make the experience a little more pleasant for all involved:

1. Do not, I repeat, do not under any circumstances take your small children with you to the toy store. Let's face it, we all want to get in and out of there with all of our limbs in tact and without spending a small fortune. It would be helpful if you left your spoiled scream for everything on the top of their lungs brats at home. No one else wants to listen to little Susie and Tommy cry for an hour because you thought it was wise to take them with you to a TOY STORE!

2. If you do have to take your kids with you, please use the stroller for what it is intended for. By no means should you ever allow your child, who can barely walk, push the stroller down the walkway of the mall. No one thinks your child is as adorable as you do and quite frankly, you are in the way. Either strap that kid in the stroller and carry your packages, or stay home.

3. When you tell little precious to sit down in the stroller or they are going to fall out, and then don't enforce it, don't act surprised when precious does fall out on their head. Clearly you knew it was going to happen. It is simple really, put precious in stroller, strap them in and go. It is not rocket science, people.

4. Don't go to the Apple Store if you have no idea what a computer, iPod or cell phone is - enough said.

Basically people, if you can't handle it, stay home. I could have been done in half of the time yesterday if I didn't have to run into all of you.

Thanks, Guys! Merry Christams!

So What!

2009-12-04T06:20:00.000-05:00

Okay so here is the deal. If Scott ever cheats on me, or has a car accident, or breaks a nail, none of that makes the news.

Nope.

And if it did make the news, would any of you care?

Nope.

But because Tiger is famous, not only does it make the news, it is on everything. The TV, the radio, magazine and the Internet.

Okay, so the first day it happened, and it was on the news, I can live with that. But the whole thing of it being the ONLY THING people are talking about is driving me nuts.

Truth be told, it is none of our business.

A radio station was actually having people call in to vote if his wife is going to stay with him. Everyone thinks she should leave.

You want my opinion? (If not, stop reading here)

For Better or Worse.

There isn't too much Scott could do that I wouldn't forgive him for, short of murder or being mean to Courtney.

And I know that it is easy for me to sit here and say they took vows and she should forgive him because this has NEVER HAPPENED TO ME, but I do feel that way.

But how I really feel is:

QUIT REPORTING ABOUT IT. IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. WHO CARES? REPORT SOMETHING ABOUT HIS GOLF GAME, NOT THE GAME HE IS PLAYING WITH HIS HOME LIFE.

Thanks For The Boots

2009-12-03T06:13:00.000-05:00

She was in Kindergarten. This was the Christmas that she wanted cowGIRL boots. We don't know why. But she wanted them, so Santa delivered. They were red with a silver tip on the toe. CUTE, CUTE CUTE! We also got her a hat.

Our Santa always leaves his present unwrapped underneath the tree. So When she came out on Christmas morning, they they were sitting and she put them right on with her pajamas. She was wearing thermals at the time and they slipped right into the boots without a problem.

When it came time to get dressed, I pulled her jeans down over her boots and she started crying. This is before we were aware of all of her sensory issues. She could not stand the feel of those boots against her skin and refused to wear them.

REFUSED.

SO I started thinking and pulled out a pair of tights and had to convince her to put them on with jeans. But I did and then put the boots on. When I pulled the jeans down over the boots she was fine. They weren't touching her skin and life was good.

She wore those boots for forever. I had bought her a red shirt and thought that she would only wear them when when color coordinating, but I was wrong. That girl wore them with EVERYTHING. There were nights I would go to tuck her in before I went to bed and she was sleeping in them.

This was the beginning of her love for boots. NOT SHOES, boots.

She has a pair right now that she wears EVERYDAY. She loves them because they have a heel that makes her taller. Even with the heel, she is shorter than the kids at school.

I have a feeling, when she is older, her closet is going to be nothing but boots, flops and slippers. If she can't go anywhere in any of those, she'll just stay home!

Harmonicas Make You Swear

2009-12-02T06:17:00.000-05:00

She was in 2nd Grade.

All she wanted for Christmas was a harmonica and a jump rope. That's it. Both of those items, to me, are stocking stuffers not actual Santa Claus gifts. But every time you asked her what she wanted that is what she came back with.

During this time in her school life she was mainstreamed with the help of a parapro, Tracey. Courtney can make friends with any adult on the face of the planet, but try as she might, kids her age she just, to this day, can't seem to master how to be friends with. Tracey thought Courtney walked on water so when she called me and asked if it was okay for her to get Court a harmonica for Christmas I agreed. Anyone who is nice to my kid is GOLDEN in my book. The last day of school came before vacation and Tracey gave her the harmonica. She called me at work to warn me that it had not been out of the childs mouth all day and she could blow on it pretty loud. I get home that night and Court is all proud and played it for me - if you can call it playing.

The next day I had to run some last minute errands before the big day and she decided to come with me. It is not uncommon at all for Court to be so quiet in the car that I forget she is with me, and I am sure this is what happened this day. Here I am driving down the road, lost in my own thoughts, and all of a sudden she blows on that damn harmonica hard and loud. It scared the crap out of me and I used some words that I am not proud of.

She thought she was hysterical. She sat in the back seat and laughed loud and long.

I GLARE at her in the review mirror and ask her just what in the hell she was thinking.

She looked right back at me and with all the seriousness in the world said

"Mom, I just love this thing. This is the best present EVER. And it fits in my pocket."

We made a rule right then and there that the harmonica was no longer allowed in the car.

And then I prayed that she would never repeat the words that I let slip in the car that day.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

2009-12-01T06:15:00.000-05:00

It is funny how music can take you somewhere the minute the first word is sung.

When I was a little girl, and Christmas time came around, my mom would pull out the Bing Crosby White Christmas album. I was raised on Bing. He would sing how it was Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas and a version of Silent Night that can bring a tear to the eye of the toughest man on the face of the earth. We would listen to that album while decorating the house for Christmas. My mom not only did the tree, she also decorated the entire house. Jeff and I each got a Christmas pillowcase to sleep on.

Scott was raised on Henry Mancini’s A Merry Mancini Christmas. That was a tradition in his house. His mom would always make homemade cookies and they would drink hot chocolate while decorating the Christmas tree. Scott and Rick each had a bell that they hung on the tree.

Both of our families watched all the claymation shows like Rudolph and the cartoons like Charlie Brown. However, Scott was and still is, way more into in than myself.

Out here in Georgia, the Christian radio station starts playing Christmas music the day before Thanksgiving. Something my sister in law would absolutely love. Tonight on the way home from work, as I was flipping the channels on the radio, 104.7 The Fish was playing Bing. There I was a little girl in my parent’s home that they still live in today, excited because of a pillowcase.

Now I am 40 and Christmas doesn’t really do it for me. Part of it is Courtney had such issues with it when she was young. She never really bought into the whole Santa thing and she absolutely refused to sit on his lap. She told me she couldn’t because he wears glasses. Who can argue with that?

Part of it is because Scott and I don’t have a lot of traditions. We had to learn to go with the flow when Courtney was little and part of it is because we didn’t lay down roots when we were first married because we were in the military.

But for me I think it is lack of family. We ALWAYS went to Christmas Eve service at church and Sharlene Blakely would sing O Holy Night. Every single year. On Christmas morning, we would open presents and then go to my Aunt Deanna’s house and eat brunch. My grandparents would be there too. This is just what we did. And I know it doesn’t sound like much to anyone reading this, but it is so much to me.

Living in Georgia is great! I have a change of seasons that can take a person’s breath away with the beauty of it. I have friends who would walk to the ends of the earth and back for me. I have a husband and a daughter that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

But I am missing so much too.

So Bing can make me smile, warm my heart and bring a tear to my eye all in one word of a song.

And no matter what, Christmas is going to arrive on the 25th.

Maybe I would enjoy it more, if I had a Christmas pillowcase!

What I Am Thankful For

2009-11-25T08:28:00.000-05:00

When you get pregnant, you start picturing how your life is going to go. Once you found out what you were having, the name was decided on, the nursery pattern was picked out and supplies started being purchased. You pictured bikes in the front yard, sleepovers and birthday parties.

Then the big day comes and the child arrives. Flowers are delivered, packages received, bottles sterilized and long sleepless nights. But something is not quite right. You keep your opinion to yourself because you have never been a parent before and clearly you don’t know what you are doing. But time goes by and others start mentioning things here and there and you decide that you better have her evaluated.

The weeks leading up to the evaluation are filled with thoughts that you don’t dare say out loud. A bunch of what ifs and you are convinced that you are going to die right there on the spot should they tell you that something is wrong. Finally the day comes and they confirm that yes something is wrong. It takes your breath away. You make eye contact with your spouse as if to say you are sorry because it surely must have been something you did or didn’t do to cause this.

But you don’t die.

You are told to go see another doctor and the weeks leading up to that appointment are filled with research, research, research. You engross yourself in it and you neglect your spouse because it consumes all of who you are. Every time the child does something, even though it could be completely normal, you look it up. She sneezed twice, it could be a cold or allergies or a tumor! Your family members send you articles of what they think it could be and inside your stomach does flips. You dream about it. It consumes you.

You arrive at the children’s hospital and sit in the waiting room. You are surrounded by parents who are there to see if their child is going to make it to their next birthday and you thank God right then and there that you are not dealing with anything terminal. You take the hand of your spouse and point out that we don’t have it so bad. Your spouse looks back at you and whispers “I’ve been trying to tell you that all along.” You see the doctor and they tell you it is autism and there really isn’t anything they can do and there isn’t a cure and medicine isn’t really going to help and have a nice day.

You walk away from that appointment with a myriad of feelings. Thankful, hurt, angry, sad. Then determination kicks in and you decide that no doctor is going to tell you that there really isn’t anything you can do. You will do whatever it takes to turn this around the best that you can. You owe her that. Giving up is not an option.

So over the years you take two steps forward and three steps back in progress. You lose friends who can’t deal. You realize that family members don’t really want to know, they just ask to be polite, and some family members are convinced they know what is best. You have had complete strangers come up to you and criticize your parenting. All the while, life goes on. You try to stay connected with your spouse in an adult world, but, sometimes, you are so preoccupied, that it affects all other aspects of your life. You learn when to fight, when to back down and when you have to be a flat out bitch to get what is best for your child. You come to terms with the fact that there will be no party invites, sleepovers and the phone ringing off of the hook asking to speak with your kid.

Then….

Little by little a friend is made, an invite comes and the phone occasionally rings.

And you realize that all of your hopes and dreams didn’t go down the drain. They just changed – and that is okay.

Because you know what, it is not terminal. There are families out there that have it way worse than you.

And you thank God every day for the life and the spouse and the child that you have.

Because the spouse and the child are truly a blessing.

And that is what I am Thankful for this year!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Being Thankful

2009-11-24T08:23:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving.

That time of year when people set aside a week, a day or an hour to be thankful.

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard.
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars.
As for me, I’d like to thank my luck stars that I’m alive and well.

Lately on the news, in the paper and on TV you hear about things we don’t have and reasons not to be thankful.

It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames.
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolder in the rain.
But not me. I’m alive.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our problems, that are HUGE to us, that we forget to take a time out.

Stars are dancing on the water here tonight.
It’s good for the soul, when there’s not a soul in sight.
But this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive and well.

I think we might make it harder than it needs to be. Being thankful doesn’t have to be a production. It can be as simple as being thankful for enough.

Thank you for enough money to get me to the next pay day.

Thank you for enough food that I didn’t go to bed hungry this week.

Thank you for enough strength to get out of bed every day.

And today you know that’s good enough for me.
Breathing in and out’s a blessing can’t you see?
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life.
Yeah, I’m alive and well.

I am thankful for enough family and friends that I feel loved every single day of my life.

What are you thankful for enough of?

Pressed Turkey, Pilgrim Hats and Too Much Glue

2009-11-23T08:13:00.000-05:00

When Courtney was in 1st grade, we tried mainstreaming her for part of the day. We got notice that there was going to be a Thanksgiving lunch at the school for all of the 1st grade parents. So, Scott and I both took long lunches and went to the school.

Parents were asked to wait in the hallway. As we were sitting there waiting for our yummy school lunch of pressed turkey and instant potatoes, here comes Courtney’s class down the hall. All of the kids are in a single file line. All of the kids have pilgrim hats on.

All of the kids but Courtney.

I make eye contact with the teacher and she just looks at me and kind of shakes her head. I look at Courtney, who is THRILLED that we are at her school. I notice that her bangs have something hard and crusty in them.

Finally, it is time for the parents to go into the lunch room and sit down for lunch with our kids. As I sit down I ask her where her pilgrim hat is and what in the world did she get in her hair.

“I am not wearing that stupid hat.”

“How come?”

“I’m just not.”

“Okay. What is in your hair?”

“Oh – that’s glue.”

Just then the teacher walked up and explained that Court got a little happy with the glue and when she put on her hat, she glued it to her head. Then when she tried to take it off, it pulled out some hair, and there was no way anyone could get her to put it back on.

Even today that child uses too much glue. She takes a glue stick to something with gusto I have never seen the likes of before.

Back in 1st grade, that story made me a little sad.

Today, it is one of my favorite Courtney stories.

Happy Thanksgiving My Friends!

People I HAd Encounters With This Weekend Who Shold Be Punched

2009-11-21T19:34:00.000-05:00

Mall People – You know who you are. You are walking along, really sauntering along, and you don’t have a care in the world. The problem is, you are in the MIDDLE of the isle. MOVE OVER. We can’t go around you because you are holding hands with your lover, boyfriend or whatever it was. WE are now stuck behind you. MOVE OVER OR WALK FASTER.

Movie People – REALLY? This is manners 101. When you eat, chew with your mouth closed. It is simple, really. Put a piece of popcorn in your mouth, one at a time, close and chew. Oh and when you get that slurping sound from your straw coming from the cup you are drinking out of, it means your drink is gone. No amount of sucking on the straw is going to produce more of the beverage. Either get up and go get another drink or put the cup down. Better yet, just stay home. Clearly you are not ready to be in public.

Traffic People – Seriously, a yellow light does not mean run it and then act surprised that you are stuck in the middle of the intersection. Now, I can’t go and you have just bunched up traffic further. Oh, and if you are going to drink something in the car that causes you to go 30mph, when the speed limit is 55mph, perhaps YOU SHOULDN’T BE DRINKING IT.

And to the person who was walking up to the mall drinking you coke, don’t you worry your pretty little head. I picked up that coke can you threw in the planter and got in the trash can that was a whole 15 extra steps to the right. I don’t want you to go back later and look for that can to throw it away and wonder where it went.

GOODNESS!

Am I # 1 or Are You Giving Me The Finger?

2009-11-20T08:17:00.000-05:00

I have this thing that I like to change cars all the time. It is not beyond me to ask Scott for a new car like every two years. Do I get it? Nope. We are on year five for the car I am in now, and I have been informed that we will be driving this until it literally falls apart. I want to downsize to a smaller car. Scott doesn’t want a car payment. My argument is that a family of three doesn’t really need a car that seats seven. Scott’s argument is that a family of three cannot afford a card payment right now. Scott wins…again. Besides, he says that every time we go car shopping, I don’t know how to negotiate. They could tell me the payments will be $1,000.00 a month for 18 years and I will scream out WHERE DO I SIGN?

I am only like this with cars. When we went to buy the house we are in now, I must have asked Scott a gazillion questions…is it too big, is it too expensive…is the yard right….and he looked at me and flat out told me that we are going to live in this house until we retire and it is fine. A three bedroom house is not too much for a family of three. Fine. Can we get a new car too? No.

When I turned 16 my parents bought a car for me to drive. It was not MY car, it was THEIR car, I was just the only one who drove it. When it was time for me to move out, I was informed that the car was not going with me, as it was THEIR car. That was fine. I had a job. I will just go buy my own car. So I tell my dad what kind of cars I like and beg him to take me shopping. He relents and takes me. So I am picking out all these cars and he is just looking at me. He told me we need to go home and re-group. I try to protest, but he is driving and I have no choice but to go with him. We get home and he and my mom sit me down with my pay stub and we calculate just how much I can REALLY afford. Seems my tastes were a little more expensive than my budget would allow.

Now armed with the all the information needed, we go out again. I find a car that I like and dad has looked it over and given his yeah you are not gonna die if you buy this car approval. This is where I stop and dad takes over.

Negotiations.

It is time to go into that little office and sign the paperwork. I am so excited. I am getting a new (to me) car. So the sales person is doing his song and dance, this is what it stickers at, this is the tag and title. Dad and him are talking price and all I remember is the sales person telling Dad that has to go get it approved from his manager. He leaves me and dad in this little room. I tell Dad that I really want this car. He tells me to just be quiet and not to say anything (hello, has he met me?). The guy comes back and tells Dad that he can’t approve it. Dad gets up to leave and I go to say something and I get the finger.

The finger.

This could look to an outsider looking in like Dad is telling me that I am number 1. What it really means is shut up. Don’t say another word sohelpmegod. It still works on me and I am 40.

SO I go to say something and get the finger, which stops me dead in my tracks.

The sales person doesn’t want to lose a sale, so he starts tap dancing and dad sits back down. They are doing this song and dance for a while and every time I try to say something I get the finger.

But we left there with me being a car owner of a car that I could afford .

I drove that car until I was pregnant with Courtney and moving to Key West.

When Scott and I go to buy a new car, I stay home until it is time to drive it off the lot and then he calls me to come sign the paperwork and drive away.

Apparently, it is just easier that way.

Sainthood

2009-11-19T08:20:00.000-05:00

Scott and I have a weird kind of marriage. Weird in the wonderful sense of the word.

I have told you before that Scott didn’t really land him the best little housewife on the west coast. When we got married, I did not know how to cook. I knew what the kitchen was for, I just didn’t know what to do once I got in there. I knew how to do laundry, but wouldn’t put it away. To this day, it is not uncommon for me to do laundry, fold it, put it in the laundry basket and then just leave it. I can clean a house if I really wanted to, but let’s face it, it has to be REALLY dirty for me to devote any time to it and I can think of a million other things I could be doing.

I remember when we were first married, I got home from work before Scott. I was back in the bedroom changing and he walked in. He told me he didn’t wonder where I was, because he just had to follow the trail of crap I left behind. I had no idea what he was talking about, so he took me into the living room and proceeded to show me where I had left my shoes (right by the front door, cause they were the first things I took off when I got home), my purse (on the back of the couch because I had to set it there to take off my shoes – duh!), my jacket (over the back of the kitchen chair…in my defense, I was going to hang it up in the coat closet that was just an extra two steps to the right when I got done changing), my nylons (on the bathroom floor, I had taken them off while going to the bathroom cause I can’t go at work because those bathrooms are gross, and I really needed to go when I got home) and my skirt and blouse on the bed (where are you supposed to put things when are changing?).

So it began, I would try to be better and he would try to overlook some things.

I know that if I come home from work and all of my shoes are lined up in a nice row, it is time for me to get them in their designated place in the closet. I know if all of my stuff is in a stack on the bedside table, that he wants me to do something with it soon. If the stack has moved to the bed, I should do something with it before going to bed that night. And he is really good about the laundry. If I take the time to do it and fold it, he will put it away.

The scary thing is, I see some of me in Courtney. She lives in the upstairs part of our house. We put her clean and folded laundry (and anything else that needs to go upstairs) on the stairs banister. That is her clue to take it up with her when she goes. She doesn’t have to stop what she is doing, she just needs to take it the next time she goes up. She will go up and down all day and not take anything with her. So, I started putting things ON the stairs. Then I watched as she JUMPED over them to go up AND down the stairs. Finally, I told her to take them up with her, and she looked surprised that they were there. SURPRISED. Really?

Whoever marries this girl is going to need to be a saint.

Lord knows that Scott has earned his seat at the right hand of God being married to me!

This Is Drugs. This Is Your Brain On Drugs

2009-11-18T08:28:00.000-05:00

I was in elementary school. My dad played for the church softball team. They practiced on Sunday afternoons, but played on Friday nights. I used to love to go to the games, because sometimes afterwards, everyone would go to Shakey’s Pizza and my dad would give me a bunch of quarters to play video games.

On this afternoon, the whole family went to softball practice. The field was about 20 minutes from our house. It was a nice warm day. Practice was well underway when my mom realizes that she had put eggs on to boil and forgot to turn them off before we left for practice. There is nothing she can do. Practice is almost over and she just has to wait it out.

When we got home, the eggs had exploded and were all over the ceiling of the kitchen. AND DID IT SMELL! Do you know what sulfur smells like? Take a guess. It is gross. And the pan had melted to the stove, which was a whole other smell added to the mix.

Jeff and I were told to stay out of the way while she scraped the eggs off of the ceiling and aired out the house.

When Scott was in the Navy and I would go visit him on the ship to take him dinner, I would smell the sulfur down at the docks, and it would take me right back to this moment.

I can guarantee you that this only has to happen to someone once and they learn to check the stove, oven and all other appliances before they leave the house.

The Graves Attitude

2009-11-17T08:26:00.000-05:00

There is this thing that runs in my family. It is called the “Graves” attitude. It comes with a furrowed brow and big mouth.

When I was little my dad bought a pair of cleats at Sears. He wore them several times and one of the cleats broke off while he was playing softball for the church. He decided that he was going to clean those bad boys up and return them. My mom told him there was no way that Sears was going to take back those cleats and not to even waste his time trying to return them. But bound and determined he was and I was all too eager to go with him to the store.

When we arrived, we went to the Sporting Goods Department. Back then, they didn’t have stores that just specialized in sporting goods like they do now. Let me set this up for you….he gets in line at the register that is directly in front of the escalator. I know he didn’t do that on purpose, but this will play an important part later in the story. So he is standing in line and I am with him and I am like 8 years old. I am standing there, with my dad, happy as can be. When it is our turn, my dad tells the cashier, who is like maybe 18, that he would like to return these cleats because one broke off, blah, blah, blah. The cashier opens the shoe box and can tell that these cleats have been worn. Very kindly he says that he cannot give my dad his money back because company policy and yada, yada, yada. My dad informs the kid that he was sold defective cleats and he wants his money back. Again, the poor guy explains policy to my dad.

Dad then asks to speak to his manager.

This is where it gets interesting.

Keep in mind where we are standing. Also keep in mind that not one member of the Graves family knows how to speak in a low tone unless you are my mom and then it is only in church and through clenched teeth.

The cashier tells my dad that he IS the manager. Dad proceeds to tell him that he doesn’t believe him and wants him to get a manager.

People that were going to go up the escalator have stopped and gathered. People that made the mistake of taking the escalator have come back down to see how this is going to play out. All the while I am standing there in my pony tails and wire rimmed glasses not uttering a word but looking at all these people watching US.

“I am the person in charge”

“There has got to be someone here other than you that is in charge”

“Nope, just me”

“You are MR. SEARS?”

Mr. Sears. He said that and people busted out laughing.

The kid gave my dad his money back and we left the store.

We drove home in silence.

When we got home, my mom asked what happened and dad told her that they refunded his money.

She looked at me and I burst out with the entire story.

She shook her head and didn’t have much to say.

I never went with my dad to return anything ever again. But I guarantee you that I have called on him to use that attitude on my behalf plenty of times!

I'm Bored

2009-11-16T08:22:00.000-05:00

There is a story that my mom tells about how I came home from second grade all in a tizzy because my teacher wanted me to read a book and then write a report to tell her about it. I told my mom that if she wanted to know what the book was about she could just read it herself. My mom explained to me that I will be reading the book and writing the report and I am to always do as the teachers instructs.

I could tell you about the time Courtney was in kindergarten and she had enough for the day and just packed her book bag up and told the teacher to call me to come and get her.

I could tell you about the time I got a call at work explaining that Courtney was participating in field day at school and, while she came in first, her partner came in last causing them to lose, so Courtney punched her. And after I explained to her that I got a call at work about her hitting she asked me if the school called the other girls’ mom because “SHE CAME IN LAST”.

I have a million other stores I could tell you, but I will tell you this:

Courtney has been asking her teacher in her 6th period class (the last class of the day) to go home. This has been going on for about 3 weeks now. It has ranged from a headache, stomach ache, just not feeling “good” to last week's excuse:

“I am just bored.”

Bored?

She told her teacher that her class was boring. This is Language Arts. You don’t tell THAT teacher you’re bored. You tell your Social Studies teacher you are bored! She is getting an A in the class. The teacher absolutely adores her.

I guess it is not enough to be doing well in the class. Apparently, she needs a three ring circus too!

Afternoon Delight

2009-11-13T08:18:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl, I used to love the song Afternoon Delight. And when it came on the radio I would sing along. Although, I just googled the lyrics and I had a lot of them wrong. My parents never said anything to me. They let me sing. Clearly, I had no idea what the song was talking about.

Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite and the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting.

When I got older I started listening to my own kind of music, not what my parents had on the radio when we were in the car. The Beastie Boys were a favorite of mine, as were LL Cool J, Tone Loc, Madonna and a myriad of others. I then knew what the songs were talking about and still my parents never said a word. They would let me watch MTV when I got home from school. They never told me not to listen to something. I can’t think of even one time either of them told me I couldn’t listen to something.

I have a 13 year old. Her daddy raised her on Devo, The Beastie Boys, and Rush and Jimmy Hendrix. I introduced her to Country and silly pop songs that her dad can’t stand. We both introduced her to The Beatles, The Mama’s and the Papa’s and others I can’t think of right now.

But lately, I have noticed that she has been listening to songs I am not too sure I want her listening to. It started last year when she was singing a Katy Perry song about kissing a boy and liking it. Then she was singing a Brittney Spears song where she was wondering if you seek Amy, but it didn’t sound like that was what she was wondering. She loves her some Lady GaGa.

So the other day in the car, I decide that she needs to listen to something different. I pull out my Simon and Garfunkle CD. Her favorite song? Cecilia!

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia up in my bedroom. I got up to wash my face when I come back to bed someone’s taken my place.
THAT is the song that she likes.

I am torn. Do I say something? Do I not? My parents didn’t say anything and I turned out just fine. Should I follow their lead? I try to think back when I was her age and listening to what I was listening to.

I can handle the whole autism thing. I can juggle a job and meetings at the school and doctor appointments with the help of my husband.

But this music thing – it’s got me stumped!

You Know Who You Are!

2009-11-12T08:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Person Who Thinks You Are Above The Rules:

I see you every morning on my way to work so I know that you know what you are doing.
You know damn well that the left lane is for turning, the middle lane is for going straight and the right lane is for turning only.

Why, tell me, WHY do you insist on not waiting in line like the rest of us good folks on the way to work for your turn to go through the light in the middle lane? What makes you so freakin special that you get to pass all of us on the right and then put your blinker on and wait for someone to let you in? Hmm?

And to all of those who let this asshole in, SHAME ON YOU! He does this daily, DAILY I tell you and you keep letting him in. Stop it! He is not special. He can wait in the long line like the rest of us.

And you know what, above the rules guy? You better hope to hell that I am not the one at the front of the line that you are trying to get in front of because I will Fried Green Tomatoes your ass and ram my car into you over and over again.

I am not kidding. I learned to drive in California. I can road rage with the BEST of them.

Consider yourself warned!

Veterans Day

2009-11-11T08:16:00.000-05:00

Today is Veterans Day.

A day to celebrate those who serve our country and to remember those who laid down their lives for our country.

It takes a special person to serve in the military. Lord knows I SO could not do it. I am married to a former Military man who served in the Gulf War. I have worked with men who served in Viet Nam and have stories that they can’t share because the memory is still too painful. My daughter’s Godfather served in the current war. He was on one of the first ships that was deployed after the 9/11 attacks.

I don’t care what your views are of the war or our President. None of that matters today.

Today is a day to say thank you. Thank you for caring enough about your country and the people who live in it to spend countless months away from your family. Thank you for experiencing the horror of war so we don’t have to live in fear and can feel safe. Thank you for keeping those memories and stories to yourself so we don’t have to experience the pain. I am honored to know and love you and am humbled by your service.

Thank you for being so selfless.

God Bless You and God Bless America!

Space Cowboys, Nail Polish and New Tile

2009-11-10T08:37:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you about the kind of house I grew up in.

It was spotless at all times.

It was well decorated.

There was a room that my mom would vacuum herself out of so there were no footprints on the carpet. We were not allowed to go into that room. That was for company.

Our bedrooms were to be kept clean at all times.

We all had assigned seating; at the dinner table and in the living room.

My mom decided that she was going to have the linoleum pulled up and tile put down in the entry way and the kitchen. She also had the kitchen counters and backsplash replaced with tiles, smaller in size and a different color of grout. The reason I remember this so well is on the day that the tile was to be installed, I was not in school and home alone with the “tile guys”; which is no big deal, except I was watching Wheel of Fortune and they didn’t really play by the house rules. See, because I couldn’t guess the puzzles as quickly as my mom and brother, we had to make a rule. The rule was you were not allowed to yell out the answer. You could yell out “I know it”, but not the answer. This would give me time to have all but three letters on the board so I could get it figured out. Well here I am minding my own business and the tile guy, who, quite frankly, should have been working, yelled out “Space Cowboy”, which ruined my chance of figuring it out. The Bastard.

But I digress.

So the tile was laid and the house looked beautiful.

The family was getting ready to go to an engagement party for one of the Van Winkle boys. All of us were cleaned and in our Sunday best. Since we weren’t leaving for a few minutes, I get the novel idea to paint my fingernails. I am walking down the hallway talking to my mom, which is not allowed, because she has a hearing problem and when you talk to her from another room, she can’t understand what you are saying she just knows you are saying something and you have to repeat yourself when you get in the room. But that didn’t stop me from attempting it every single time. As I cross the threshold of the hallway into the entryway on my way to the living room, the nail polish bottle flies out of my hand, hits the front door, shatters and splatters all over everything, including the brand new tile.

Did I tell you it was red?

Not just red, but bright red. The kind you might find on one of those women who hang out on the corners in Vegas red.

The next all happened within 3 seconds:

I stop talking and stop walking and just stand there staring at the mess.

My dad comes flying into the entry way prepared to kill me right where I stand.

My mom comes flying into the entry way to wedge herself between my dad and me certain she was my only hope of survival.

Jeff doesn’t move. Just observes from where he was.

My mom was able to get it cleaned up, all while wearing a winter white wool suit.

I was instructed to go to the bathroom and re-apply my makeup that I had just cried completely off.

Dad was instructed to go outside and breathe.

And Jeff?

He just looked at me and shook his head.

Payback Is A Bitch

2009-11-09T06:17:00.000-05:00

I was in elementary school and Jeff was in junior high.

The power had gone out in California that night. I don’t remember if it was a storm or wind or what. I don’t know how long it was out. And truth be told, none of that matters at all.

What matters is Jeff was taking a bath by candlelight.

Let’s recap, shall we? The power was out, Jeff felt dirty and wanted to take a bath and what better way for a junior high school boy to feel pretty? Bath by candlelight.

During the course of this pampering event, the power comes back on.

Jeff was finishing up with his whimsical delight and I guess just didn’t want the moment to end. Instead of blowing out the candle, he set it on the counter right underneath the handle that holds the towel to dry your hands after a quick wash before dinner. And what happens when flame meets towel?

Fire.

The rest of the family is in the living room and we hear this coming from down the hall:

“Oh no!”

“Pwh, phw, phw”

My mom jumps up and runs to the bathroom to find Jeff trying to blow on a towel that is on fire. The flame has jumped from the towel to the wallpaper. She pulls the towel into the sink and drowns it with water to put that part of the fire out. I still have no idea how she got the wallpaper fire put out because I got yelled at for continuing to walk up and down the hall trying to find out what was going on. But rest assured, she handled that too!

And telling this story, my friends, is payback for all of the times I had to sit on the sunny side of the car during long ass trips.

Do You Know the Way to San Jose?

2009-11-06T10:41:00.000-05:00

I have a guest blogger today. He is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. He has got a great wife and fabulous kids. He lives in Florida with the best backyard ever!

Did I mention he is my brother?

So sit back and read this post. Then you will understand why I am such a mess!

Hey. Melissa’s brother here. The chosen-one, the favorite, the king, the prince...”D” - All of the above.

Melissa asked me to guest post for her today. Not sure why. She knows I’m just going to try to embarrass her.

If you haven’t put two and two together...we come from a pretty crazy family. There were just four of us. The standard Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister. A few animals along the way (fish, dog, cat, rabbit, turtle-that-ran-away-from-home). But basically a normal type life.

We were also jokesters. Running jokes, family fun. Like the hidden water gun that could come out at any time (probably early on a Saturday morning while you slept). Or my dad telling every friend (who had a name) that called, “I told you not to call here”. There were others.

One such “family fun” that my dad and I decided would last FOR-EVER was the “Which side of the car do you want to sit on” debate.

See, we had family days and family vacations and long trips to have dinner with people. Up hill, both ways. Dad would drive, mom would run the volume on the radio and we, would sit in the back seat, not seat belted in.

Whether we were in the Dodge Dart, the Volarie Station Wagon (with the now non politically correct wood on the side), or the tin can Toyota Corolla, the debate on who sat where in the back seat started before we left the house.

Seems for the longest time Melissa would wind up sitting on the side of the car that received the most sunlight throughout the trip. Thereby getting hotter and hotter and more uncomfortable along the way. Whilst I, sat on the other side cool, comfortable and smiling (“does this bother you?”).

As she got older, she decided that God had dealt her a bad hand, but she was gonna take control. So, one day before a long drive, she proudly exclaimed “I’M GONNA PICK WHICH SIDE OF THE CAR I WANT TO SIT ON! I’M NOT SITTING IN THE SUN!”

Me: “Ok, loving sister...I think that would be nice”

So she goes out to the car, still parked in the driveway, finds the side of the car not bathed in sunlight and sits down.

Me: “You good?”

Her: “Yes..tellmeimsittinginthesunimnotdoinitigettoodanghot”

I glance at my dad, roll my eyes, get in car.

Ok...everyones in their place. Dad driving, mom on the volume, Melissa in the cool shade and me in the hot, hot, swealtering sunshine. Before starting the car, dad looks at me in the rear view mirror (which you never touch), I nod....and we back out.

Back, turn, 80’s navigation system (the steering wheel) takes over and we are now headed in a southerly direction. The sun in all it’s glory, moves, by the hand of God, off of me and over to the other side of the car, directly on my sister. (I think I saw blisters form on her legs).

Yes...the entire trip, we travel South, and it’s before noon. So that nice yellow ball is right outside my sisters window.

ME: “I’m sorry loving sister...I thought you had picked the correct side of the car”

We arrive at our location, my sister crazy from the heat. Me collar up, topsiders-no socks, fake Vuarnet sunglasses, madras shorts....looking good Mr Kotter.

As we get set to go home. My sister decides she’s gonna “call” which side of the car to sit on, again.

Dad. Glance. Fine.

She deduces that since we are going the opposite direction back home on our trip, that the side of the car I was sitting on will now be blasted with sunlight...so she chooses, happily to sit in her same seat.

We get in the car (facing south). Shade is abundant on her side of the car. She is so lucky. Now I must sweat it out all the way home. (hee hee)

Back out, turn, head north.

It’s now after 12 noon in beautiful So. Cal, and the sun has lovingly moved across the sky to begin it’s setting. About eye level, bright as can be, and blasting right inside my sisters window. (I’m laughing now just typing this out)

*sigh

This went on for years. I mean years.

It’s simple really. Everything in So. Cal is north, south, east, west. The sun does what it has done since the book of Genesis. Up in the east, down in the west. Almost DUE east and west.

AND, when you pulled in our driveway, the car is facing west. Almost DUE west.

This isn’t rocket science people!!!!!!

But, it became one of the longest running annoyances my dad and I pulled on my sister.

Where was mom in all this?

After a while she would take dad and I aside and scold us before we even left for a trip...we would graciously say “yes mamm”, let my sister choose the side, respond with “are you suuuurrre?” and play the game again.

It never ended....I’m in the shade right now.

J